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Internet Friendships and Such

This is a hard one cause I'd have to ask the unaswerable question: "What determines what a friend is?". Somebody that you would go out of your way to hang around with? Somebody that you share your intimate details with?

I get along with almost everybody (regardless of what some might think). I'd say that I am friendly with most, and they are friendly with me. There are very few people I don't get along with. Enough so that my wife comments on it rather often.

But what I consider to be a "true" friend....that would be my wife, and one other guy that I met at/through work. A third guy I played in a band with in high school, and that's about it.

They are the only people I really consider my "true" friends.
(Are Martin and I sort of alike...??? :eek: )

Would I love to spend time with most of you, yes, but I have a hard time considering you a friend just based on internet words, and only having been a member here for a few short months. I mean hell...we don't even know each others names...most here are hiding behind an alias...
 
Motokid said:
This is a hard one cause I'd have to ask the unaswerable question: "What determines what a friend is?". Somebody that you would go out of your way to hang around with? Somebody that you share your intimate details with?

I get along with almost everybody (regardless of what some might think). I'd say that I am friendly with most, and they are friendly with me. There are very few people I don't get along with. Enough so that my wife comments on it rather often.

But what I consider to be a "true" friend....that would be my wife, and one other guy that I met at/through work. A third guy I played in a band with in high school, and that's about it.

They are the only people I really consider my "true" friends.
(Are Martin and I sort of alike...??? :eek: )
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Good questions - if i'm honest with myself I have very few 'true' friends. The friend I mentioned earlier and one other are the only two I would class as 'true' friends. However I'm very easy going and get on with mostly everyone, there are very few people I have ever disliked to such an extent that I will go out of my way to avoid them.

I mean hell...we don't even know each others names...most here are hiding behind an alias...
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I agree with what you are saying about hiding behind an alias - only one person on here (apart from Phil obviously) knows my real name and that was only after several months of talking to them via IM or similar - we built up a friendship such that I felt ok at giving them my name. Now this isn't the same for all forums I'm a member of - on one I use my real name as my screen name due to the fact I know approx 80% of the people and have all met in real life - I guess it depends on the circumstances and the type of person you are. I am a private person and don't feel comfortable giving too many personal details out over the internet :)
 
well we obviously all know i have no alias, and let me state it is not due to lack of originality, but lack of computer savvy as my hubby signed me up. (damn and i had a good one too) the reality of it is our names make no difference. our personalities still shine through, unless of course you are on here living a dual life.
i am not very private at all. i would be a dreadful celebrity seeking out the tabloids. if one of you was to show up at my house, i would likely ask you if wanted coffee or tea before i asked you how you found me.
i have never been one of the sex and the city type girls with close women friends. my best friend all through school was a boy and we only recently parted ways, (odd to break up with a friend, really) it has only been as an adult that i have formed a few close women friendships and they are all long distance. most of my day to day friendships are with women who are also mothers and if not for that common thread we may never have met.
so do i classify you, those that i talk with almost daily here on tbf, as friends? yes, of course. we laugh, we argue, we advise, we sympathize , all huge aspects of a friendship. more often than not you are in my thoughts throughout the day.
 
jenngorham said:
i have never been one of the sex and the city type girls with close women friends. my best friend all through school was a boy and we only recently parted ways
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Same here - the majority of my firends are male - I only have a couple of close female friends.
 
I have a couple of friends I would say are close friends. The ones you know will be there for you no matter what and the ones you'll be there for no matter what. Most of these people I've know for most of my life, which of course isn't that much, but we know how to deal with each other in different situations.
I wouldn't say that talking to people on a forum makes them friends, you have to talk to them more than that, more personal than that. I know some people wouldn't mind sharing their deepest thoughts here, but I don't think it would work very well.
I think it's easier to make friends online. I'm not a very social person, and apparently people who just met me in person can find me a bit annoying and strange, go figure. Online I have more time to think about what I say, and that makes me say a lot less stupid things, it still happens, and I regret them every time. (here you have to take my current intelligence into account.... 2 times 0 is still 0 :D )
 
Yes, someone moves from "internet person" to friend, not here in an open forum, but in those sidebars of private messages and e-mails. One of my very, very dear friends moved from "internet person" to friend, when, during on open forum discussion (at a music site, so just that gave us a lot in common) we discovered we both lost our mothers at an early age. That kind of very private common bond led us to seek each other out in the private world of e-mail. In a way, we are still having that same private conversation that was started on that day. It's moved around a bit, including two trips across the ocean for me for a couple of face to face visits, some bouts of computer difficulties and so forth, but we will remain friends no matter where we travel in life.
 
I'm one of those sad cynical people who only trusts what's right in front of my two eyes. But I love to pretend in my inner heart that I trust my online friends. Sorry to say, but nothing will ever make that happen. I distrust everything, I need second and third sources for facts, I need to hear a person's voice and look into their eyes, I need to see how the concrete world settles on them.

I don't have cyber friends. Amongst all my siblings, I am the most troublesome. Amongst my oldest friends, I am the one who asks where the heart of the matter is. I am the one who cracks you up at the big family party, and then you regret it.

I am the age that my mother was when she was killed. Sometimes that motivates me, sometimes I feel enervated.
 
novella said:
I am the age that my mother was when she was killed. Sometimes that motivates me, sometimes I feel enervated.
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As my mother was only 28 when she died, I passed it long ago, but I know the feeling you mean. It was an odd year. Another odd year was when my daughter reached the age that I had been when my mother died (she had her children young, I didn't have mine until I was nearly 33). There was a great deal of emotion for me that year as well.

And even though it's taking this thread off course, there is still a strange emotion in me, each year as my daughter grows passed the age that I had a mother. She is 9 now, so she's had me five years longer than I was allowed my mother. She hasn't been scarred by the "Series of UnFortunate Events" to borrow a phrase, that affected me in those years. She knows an existence that, even though I'm her mother, is alien to me because I never had it.

Oh, and not to be too personal, but I notice you said your mother was killed, not just that she died. Mine was killed, too, by a drunk driver. I'm very sorry for your loss.
 
I don't differentiate between internet friends and real life friends. I feel no less for the friends I have never met face to face as I do for those I see everyday. As some others said, I too feel closer to some of my friends I met on the internet than I do with some real life ones.

But the ones I consider friends are not ones who I know onnly on a forum. They are the ones I chat with everyday; the ones I have come to know very well. Some of them I have met in real life or spoken to on the phone, others I have never seen.

I used to think that everyone on the internet was a bit weird, since I didn't grow up in the computer era. Sometimes I still can't help but wonder if certain people are what they make themselves out to be or if they are just creating some kind of elaborate fantasy. And as for aliases, everyone of the people I consider friends on the internet know my name and I know theirs.
 
Irene Wilde said:
Oh, and not to be too personal, but I notice you said your mother was killed, not just that she died. Mine was killed, too, by a drunk driver. I'm very sorry for your loss.
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My mom was raped and strangled in our summerhouse when I was 17. The cops are sure it was an acquaintance of the family. They never arrested anyone. Small, tight community, everyone knows everyone. Twice when I felt compelled to, I tried to revive the investigation but it dredged up so many issues of truth and trust and memory, --plus the cops fouled the scene and wrecked evidence--it's become easier to not know. Almost.

So I count among those I really trust my husband and my son. Beyond that it's a crapshoot.

But that's way off topic. Basically I think the internet is a fun way to talk with people, but one of the reasons I like it especially is the lack of risk. Since I had my son, I'm done with risk.
 
Irene, lately I suspect we have more in common than I thought. Hope you don't mind my saying that.
 
I know a few others had voiced the same opinion too, but I have to agree with:

Dogtanian said:
You don't neccessary need to meet your 'cyber' friends for them to be your real friends. Just because you first interacted with them online doesn't make it any different in my opinion than meeting them in the pub/club.
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Some people who I deem very good friends I have never met up with & I don't classify them any differently to the people I generally socialise with.

In fact, in many ways cyber friendships can end up being some of the strongest ones ever made. It avoids the preconceived ideas we get when we first see someone, instead we get to know someone's personality first. Then again I am extremely biased on the matter, I met my husband online (no, not a dating site).
 
I, by nature, am a very friendly person, and get along with just about everybody. But in recent years, I have come to know the distinction, for myself, between friend and Friend.
A friend is someone I know, acquaintance, chum, whatever you may call it. I have many friends.
A Friend is someone I know I can count on and trust, and even if I don't speak to that person but once or twice a year, I know in my heart, and am comforted by the knowledge, that in a crisis, I can call and they will be there, no questions asked. I have a handful of Friends, two of which I am blessed to also call Sister.
As for internet-friends, I have issued invitations, and accepted invitations to meet, and have never been disappointed.
 
Sometimes I wish I lived near enough to meet up with my online friends.

I've met up before with members of another forum, but that's a techie group and somehow that seems a little different from meeting people with a common social hobby like a book forum group.

ds

p.s. yeah, irregardless (very funny, jenn) of whether I meet people online or not, I don't make that distinction. Once met, there'll always be a face behind the name. If I don't forget, that is.
 
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