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Joke Of The Day

Libra

Libra

Active Member
If there is allready a thread sorry!

The Preacher's Donkey
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase.

The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man:eek:
 
post your jokes people:)

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit p*ssed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
 
Two flies fly around together. First:
"Ah, wall!"
Pattt..
The other: "what...?"
Pattt...

It wasn't funny, I know. But I got another. Americans, no offense. This joke is very famous in Turkey and I have to translate it.

Bush came to the presidency and thought to strengthen his abilities on the population and at the result of a lot of thinking, finally, decided to press letter stamps his picture on. But there was a problem, stamps didn't keep on the letters, so letters couldn't be sent. One day president called his close guys and said the situation and asked for advice, They explained.
"Mr. President, problem is that people ... on the stamp's front instead of back."
 
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.

'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.

The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year! :D
 
Jokings

We never learn if it happens or not.

Two tomatoes are crossing the road. First: "Ah, car"
Prchsssss
The other: "What?"
Prchsssss
 
In Moscow, an Azerbaijanian man comes and asks waiter for table. He goes to sit some but waiter warns: "here is of Bruce Lee". But he doesn't pay attention. Bruce comes and beats the man for sitting in his place and after the kick, Bruce says: "First paragraph of seventh chapter of Karate". And he goes but this repeats a few times and Bruce uses different methods in each time kicking the Azerbaijani man. One day, Azerbaijani man comes and sits in spite of waiter's warning. Bruce comes and a silence. Every one thinks Bruce destroys the man but they go there and see that Bruce is lying down and Azerbaijanian man turns people a switch in his hand saying: "Third type of twenty fourth switch".
 
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die".

1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
him off to work in a good mood.

2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
to work.

3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
burden him with household chores.

4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied:D :D :D
 
Libra said:
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die".

1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
him off to work in a good mood.

2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
to work.

3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
burden him with household chores.

4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
his every whim.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied:D :D :D
Click to expand...

It is indeed a joke.
 
Iranians are smarter than Americans

Three American and three Iranian engineers are traveling by train to
a conference. At the station, the three American each buy tickets
and watch as the three Iranians buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asked
one of the three American.
"Watch and you will see", answers one of the Iranaians .
They all board the train. The Americans take their respective
seats, but all three Iranians cram into the toilet and close the door
behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says,
"Ticket,please". The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The American saw
this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the American decide to copy the Iranians
on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the
station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the Iranians don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?", asks one
perplexed American.
"Watch and you will see", says one of the Iranians .
When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet
and the three Iranians cram into another one nearby. The train
departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the Iranians leaves his toilet and walks
over to the toilet where the Ameican are hiding. He knocks on the
door and says,"Ticket, please."
 
Electric Train
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b******who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b****** who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b**** in the kitchen." :D
 
A man was in dessert and shaking his foot and then he saw his foot had touched to a box and mysteriouly, there sudden existed a djin. Djin told him what he desired. Man said that he had a stomachache so couldn't go to China (Xin) by sea way and asked to create a Highway to go to China by any car. "Don't be silly", said djin. "How can I do that? Do any other wish." Man said: "Then teach me women's language to be nearer there". Djin said: "How much stripes do you want on your Highway then?"
 
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation
"I now pronounce you man and wife".
 
Lawyer Joke
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!" :D
 
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