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Joke Of The Day
- Thread starter Libra
- Start date
Libra
Active Member
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your b**** for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your b**** for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
mehdirza
New Member
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your b**** for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
That is crazy. I mean, I have never heard such funny dirty joke.
joderu95
New Member
Q: What do you call a Norwegian car?
A: A fjord.
IRISH vs BRITISH
>>This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the>British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998, radio>conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98.
>>IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a>collision.
>>BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to>avoid a collision.
>>IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the>South to avoid a collision.
>>BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again. Divert>YOUR course.
>>IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.
>>BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER H.M.S. BRITANNIA, THE SECOND>LARGEST>SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE>DESTROYERS,>THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR>COURSE>15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR>COUNTERMEASURES>WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
>>IRISH: We are a lighthouse ... your call.
A: A fjord.
IRISH vs BRITISH
>>This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the>British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, October 1998, radio>conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98.
>>IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a>collision.
>>BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to>avoid a collision.
>>IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the>South to avoid a collision.
>>BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again. Divert>YOUR course.
>>IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.
>>BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER H.M.S. BRITANNIA, THE SECOND>LARGEST>SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE>DESTROYERS,>THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR>COURSE>15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR>COUNTERMEASURES>WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
>>IRISH: We are a lighthouse ... your call.
helgi
New Member
I have actually
LOL Good one!
helgi
New Member
those don't look like Jesus sandals to me
Well then your question should have been more specific.
helgi
New Member
Not many people trained for the cross
I'm sorry I ruined your not very funny joke.
helgi
New Member
it didn't come untied
Neither do the cross training sandals.