Ladies and Opening Doors for Them

[Motokid]

I'm walking towards the cafateria at work today, and have to go through a rather large swinging door that opens away from me. There's a window in the door, and through it I see a lady walking towards the door at about the same distance as I am. We'll both get to door at same time. The door will open towards her and away from me. I would like the forum opinion as to the "proper" way to handle this.

Do I try to open door away from me but stand on my side and let her through? This is a door with a self closing mechanism, and it's a bit heavier than your average door to a bedroom kind of thing. The handle is on her side, and a push plate on my side. This is a bit awkward as the door might start to close on her if I don't get the right leverage.

Do I open door, pass through it first, and then hold it open for her, hoping that she'll wait for me to do that? This might cause a moment where we'll both try to go through at the same time and I end up looking like an impatient ass if she does not hesitate and wait for me.

What's the proper thing to do here? Believe it or not I do try to not look like an ass folks....really.

 

[mehastings]

I vote for let her open the door. It creats less chaos and confusion. Opening doors for women is fine (if that's your cup of tea), but not necessary in a situation like this. Maybe it's me, but I'd rather open the door myself and get through it quickly than have some stranger trip over himself to get it open for me.

 

[eliott]

It would be ideal if you had enough time to open the door, go in, and hold it for her.

If you get there at the same time, you might be able to say "Allow me," and she might wait while you open it, go in, and hold it for her. You might also be able to signal the "Allow me" through the window.

If she doesn't wait, but opens it herself, then you know she isn't that concerned about this out-of-date piece of etiquette.

If she gets to the door and starts to open it, all you can do is stand aside and make it clear that you are letting her out first. That is the most you can do.

 

[Motokid]

This is not a stranger. We know each other by first name (small plant, as per company standards) but are by no means all buddy buddy (not like I am with a few of you here ).

Both basically reach the door at same time. No time for hand signals, and the door is heavy enough and solid enough that talking through it is really not reasonable as it would almost have to be a yell.

In hindsight the alternatives are worthwhile to consider, but when the situation presents itself in a spur-of-the moment atmosphere....??????

 

[eliott]

Then I repeat:

If she doesn't wait, but opens it herself, then you know she isn't that concerned about this out-of-date piece of etiquette.

If she gets to the door and starts to open it, all you can do is stand aside and make it clear that you are letting her out first. That is the most you can do.


To which I would add: And be sure to smile.

 

[Motokid]

eh, call me dated then, but I like to open doors for people and I don't want to wait to see what they expect me to do. I like to take the initiative.

No matter if it's a male or female really, if I can open it for you, or hold it open for you I will 99% of the time.

Waiting for other opinions.

And of coarse you smile. Makes them wonder what you're up to right????

 

[Ice]

... then you know she isn't that concerned about this out-of-date piece of etiquette.

It may be outdated, but I still think it's nice when a guy holds a door open for you

 

[txgirl]

I like guys to open doors for me, to offer to give up their seat for me when the train/bus is full, to hold the chair out for me. I like chivalry. BUT if I'm more than a couple of steps away, don't wait for me to get to the door to keep the door open for me. As nice as the gesture is, I don't want to have to run to keep you from waiting too long, ya know?

 

[Mari]

I love it when men hold doors for me and stuff. I was born thirty years too late. But I certainly understand if the timing is off or something. I'm not going to scowl at some guy if I get to a door first and he doesn't get a chance to open it for me.

On the other hand, if some guy looks distressed that he's not going to get to be chivalrous, then I will wait, and give him a big smile. Then everybody can be comfortable.

 

[Sar]

No matter if it's a male or female really, if I can open it for you, or hold it open for you I will 99% of the time

Must confess I tend to hold doors for people too - regardless of gender. Though in the situation you originally mentioned I would have simply seen who reached the door first.

 

[Martin]

I take it this situation actually occurred a few days ago?

So what did you do?

Chivalry, huh? So much for feminism.

Cheers

 

[RainbowGurl]

If the door opens her way it should be her who opens it and allows you to pass through. Well thats what I think.

 

[Sar]

Chivalry, huh? So much for feminism.

Here's a point I'd like to raise: Whilst it is lovely that in this day & age there are still some men who hold doors open for women, I am astounded by the number of women who on the one hand complain about not being treated equally & then on the other hand complain because they are. (I know no one here has complained, I just mean in general)

I don't consider myself a feminist by any means, just someone who believes that you should treat people according to who they truly are rather then a convenient label you've applied to them.

 

[Geenh]

I think instead of thinking about gender think about the situation itself. I'll hold open the door for anyone if I get there first. Common courtesy. Same with revolving doors. If someone is on their way, I wait to let them get in whilst it's at a stand still.

You can go too far with the gender thing. Treat everyone as an equal. Well, that's my opinion.

 

[Motokid]

This happened Monday, May 16th and I was intending to open the door, walk through it first, and then hold it open for her. She got there a bit faster than I had planned and we did the little dance right in the doorway....you know the one...you move to your right, I move to my left.....then I just pressed myself up against the door and "allowed" her to pass through. I felt like I had somehow mishandled the situation. I had every intention of creating a friendly "let me get that door for you m'lady" and it turned into a "excuse me for trying to pass through the doorway first" situation.

I realize this is 2005. But when people show a bit of effort to be friendly and curtious, in this day and age, I recognise that, and I try to do just the same for everybody else when I can. Holding a door open is really so simple, yet it gets noticed and usually a smile and thank you are exchanged. It's the small things...right?

This particular time things did not go as planned, and next time I meet this woman in a similer situation I'll probably try to quicken my pace so as to really beat her to the the door so I can make it through, then hold it open for her, as I had intended to do yesterday.

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
...then, when she's half way through I'll help the door swing shut quickly enough to smack her right on the ass and push her through the rest of the way....

..just kidding

 

[Geenh]

Whenever that happens, I always say "Want to dance?". It diffuses the situation and adds a laugh.

 

[Sar]

This particular time things did not go as planned, and next time I meet this woman in a similer situation I'll probably try to quicken my pace so as to really beat her to the the door so I can make it through, then hold it open for her, as I had intended to do yesterday.


...then, when she's half way through I'll help the door swing shut quickly enough to smack her right on the ass and push her through the rest of the way....

..just kidding

Now I wish I'd thought of that suggestion in the first place! lmao

 

[jenn]

Chivalry, huh? So much for feminism.

Cheers

oh puuuuuleeeeaaase!!!!!!! one does not cancel out the other. behaving in a gentlemanly manner and having manners does not in any way infringe on women's rights or social equality!!!!
if a man holds a door for me, i say thank you, the same as i would i expect if i held it for him. however if he said,"hey there little lady, let me help you with that big heavy heavy door. there you go my little darling." i might take issue with that.

 

[Motokid]

how 'bout if he said:

Yo, hot stuff, just lettin' ya through first so's I can check out the junk in yo' trunk....rrrrrroooaarrrrrr .....

 

[Sar]

how 'bout if he said:

Yo, hot stuff, just lettin' ya through first so's I can check out the junk in yo' trunk....rrrrrroooaarrrrrr .....

Well, I can't speak for Jenn but I know I'd say *does Joey Tribianni impression*
"How you doin'?"