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Life on the Lilies

Stewart

Active Member
This was something I wrote over lunch a couple of years back and just recently found. I admit that it's nowhere near my best but I just thought I'd post it.

Life On The Lilies

"I don’t think I can make it this time." Jones slumped on his knees. He could feel his heart coming under pressure from the strain of the activity. Breaths streamed out in uneven, rapid fashion. His forehead shimmered under the smile of the sun.

"Shank took Jones’ arm, gripping the cloth of his shirt. "You can, stop telling yourself you can’t."

"But it’s too far this time."

A few metres of stagnant water bridged the gap between the lily that supported them and the next. A few fish silvered the surface, while something larger skulked in the depths, the only clue to its presence the few bubbles that coasted free. Three men stood in similar anxiety on the next lily pad, a few ripples spread outward just before it where someone had obviously not been strong enough to make the jump."

It’s not far at all, Jones. Look, those others have made it."

"Someone didn’t." He pointed at the ripples.

"You don’t know that for sure. Anyway we’ve got to make the leap as the others are waiting to land on this pad."

Looking back, Jones saw that indeed, at the previous pad there was four men waiting to make their leaps. The men in front jumped, both were successful in their endeavour.

"Have you noticed how the gaps between lilies are getting wider every time?"

"I try not to think about it."

"Why?"

"I try to keep a positive mind."

Shank took a deep breath and backed off to the rear of the lily pad and then sprinted to the edge making a huge leap. "Come on."

Repeating Shank’s actions, Jones made the jump. For the seconds that he flew it seemed as if time had stretched. The breeze slipped by slowly, pulling him down. He forced himself not to look below, to see the water he expected to land in. He just managed to alight on the lily.

Holding out his hand, Shank helped Jones to his feet. "Told you we could make it."

"You did." He looked at the jump, a mammoth gap between the green pads. "But we’re not going to manage that."

"Course we can, we did the last one. It doesn’t get any harder."

"Yes it does."

"Shh! That’s exactly how you don’t make it."

"Okay, but I don’t even understand why we have to live our lives jumping from lily to lily anyway."

"Why?" Shank face registered something honest. Confusion?

"All we do is jump." To demonstrate his point he hopped on the spot.

"We’ve always jumped. That’s what we do" Shank circled his arm, encompassing the jumpers in front and those behind.

"I don’t understand how we can’t do anything else."

"We weren’t created for anything else."

"But with every leap we make the chances of us making the next are more unlikely."

"Uh huh!" Shank grunted. "It’s always been like that."

"So why don’t we try developing our lives, taking it into our own hands and doing with it what we want?"

Shank frowned, bewildered.

"Look over there, for example," said Jones. He pointed to the bank. "There’s land there, we could go there and give ourselves a proper life."
Indeed, Shank noted, there was a bank by the edge of the river. And on that bank there was grassland and woodland. Trees rose magnificently, and rocks lay in their shadow. Occasionally, small mammals would dart from under foliage collecting nuts, retreating with their spoils to whatever safety the shore provided them.

"Jones, you don’t have to stay on the lilies, there’s no rule that says you must keep jumping. You can leave anytime. Why don’t you swim to the bank?"
The bubbles from somewhere deep down popped and fizzed to the surface. "I’d surely get eaten by the fish."

Shank nodded, knowing now that ones would understand. "And that’s why, my friend, we live our life on the lilies."
 
The beginning of the second paragraph, the quotation mark doesn't need to be there. It is probably a typo.

Shank took a deep breath and backed off to the rear of the lily pad and then sprinted to the edge making a huge leap. "Come on."

I would of like to seen the antonym to crescendo here. That is just me being picky; it wouldn't add or detract from the story. Hell, I just want to know what the word is.

I like it.
 
Why I like it (progress :) ), it's a parable. Live in fear, or face them. What would you be willing to give up for them. Leaders and followers, where do you fit in. There isn't a need to suffer, this is life, enjoy it.
 
warm_enema said:
The beginning of the second paragraph, the quotation mark doesn't need to be there. It is probably a typo.

There's a few quotation mark typos as I found it on an old .pdf file and the format once copied an pasted isn't the same. I corrected what I could and then got lazy or blind. :)

I would of like to seen the antonym to crescendo here. That is just me being picky; it wouldn't add or detract from the story.

I like the allusion to crescendo. Nice!

Hell, I just want to know what the word is.

What word?

I like it.
Thanks. :cool:
 
The opposite of crescendo. In physics it's called the doppler effect, but that would be too much. I don't know what it would be, I haven't run across it.
 
I think it's a wonderful story, and I love how it is really what our lives, or most of our lives are like. I can't think of the words to describe what I'm thinking right now, seeing as I am drugged up on Lortab, but I think it is a wonderful story. :D
 
this is nowhere near your best???well then please show me your best!! your secondbest is good enough to raise applause!

this was a refreshing story to read. the innuendos were apt, symbolism wellmanaged and theme, striking but disturbing
 
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