Poem: Going Gentle

[Stewart]

Going Gentle

Your God, no doubt, secured a place
To welcome in your weathered face
That spoke no evil, showed no fear
Of death as it was drawing near.

Atropos spoils what sisters spin:
The love, the life; woman within,
And in one breath all lights have flown
Leaving memories, and flesh, and bone.

Azrael's wings fly soon this date
Guiding you to Glory's great gate
Floating like an autumnal leaf
Going gentle into our grief.

 

[Salvaged]

Excellent use of names. Also, the progression of the poem is rather...captivating.

Guiding you to Glory's great gate

The "guh" sound attracts too much attention, as do the rhyming great and gate.

Suggestion: I would think the title "Going Gently" would work better. Just a thought.

Overall, it has a feel of experience behind it. Strikes me the right way for some reason. GJ Mile-O!

<Salvaged>

 

[Stewart]

Excellent use of names. Also, the progression of the poem is rather...captivating.

Thanks.

The "guh" sound attracts too much attention, as do the rhyming great and gate.

I must admit that I've found that myself and, at the time of writing I still can't think of a two syllabled word to replace it. Maybe I'm going to have to rephrase the line.

Suggestion: I would think the title "Going Gently" would work better.

It's a nice suggestion but I think that the sound of ly is too similar to the first syllable of the next word (into) which, when I read it that way, seems odd. I'll rethink it as I'm not overly happy with this piece yet.


<Salvaged>[/QUOTE]

 

[kskyhappy]

i like this pem too however i thought the same thing about the Guh's, though i'm no poet (caveat).

how about "with guidance through the glorious gate"

not sure if that hold's quite the same meaning

ksky