Poem The First

[Will]

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

 

[Paul the Human]

Or "Sonnet 18", as the case may be. '

 

[Will]

I don't know what you're insinuating. I put this together over my lunch break today.

I ate a Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boy and then composed this beauty of a poem for my friends on BAR to enjoy before the beads of sweat had evaporated from my brow.

 

[beer good]

You misspelled "the" in the first line. See what happens when you self-publish?

 

[pontalba]

I don't know what you're insinuating. I put this together over my lunch break today.

I ate a Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boy and then composed this beauty of a poem for my friends on BAR to enjoy before the beads of sweat had evaporated from my brow.

Thass ok Will, I believe you. Thousands wouldn't, but I do. :innocent:

 

[Paul the Human]

I believe in coincidence, so.. yeah. Works for me!

 

[Will]

That's ok Will, I believe you. Thousands wouldn't, but I do. :innocent:

See, I am trustworthy. ;-) Possibly thousands might. I have a convincing way about me.

 

[pontalba]

See, I am trustworthy. ;-) Possibly thousands might. I have a convincing way about me.

Ah, I see your reading skills are on a par with your writing skills. Good Show old chap!

 

[Will]

You misspelled "the" in the first line. See what happens when you self-publish?

Damn, well spotted. That was supposed to read 'there', 'there' being a date in mid-August last year when summer wasn't quite at its peak, but almost was. Hence, 'shall I compare there to a summer day', vs. say a date in early September, when summer might traditionally be thought of to be over, but is actually rocking up with a healthy dose of solar-rays and Morris dancers.

 

[WolfLarsen]

This was not very exciting to read. Where's your imagination?? Did you leave your imagination somewhere? Perhaps you should go find it!

 

[canuck]

I guess you are a reincarnation of the other Will? I should have spotted that right away!

 

[beer good]

Damn, well spotted. That was supposed to read 'there', 'there' being a date in mid-August last year when summer wasn't quite at its peak, but almost was. Hence, 'shall I compare there to a summer day', vs. say a date in early September, when summer might traditionally be thought of to be over, but is actually rocking up with a healthy dose of solar-rays and Morris dancers.

That's OK, you'll do better eventually. (Especially if you take the advice of real writers and use your imagination, because by exercising your imagination you'll be able to use your imagination so you don't have to repeat the same word over and over again.)

I do like the use of "thou". It adds a bit of swagger to it; not "a thousand pieces of art", just "thou art". Shorter, pithier, makes it more twitter-friendly.

 

[Will]

This was not very exciting to read. Where's your imagination?? Did you leave your imagination somewhere? Perhaps you should go find it!

I am sorry. I will try harder next time. Zap, Kapow, Sploowify.

 

[Leonardo Noto]

Hah!

LMFAO! Here's a funny story that is kind of in the same "genre." In college, Michael Crichton had an English teacher who was constantly belittling his writing. Crichton decided to submit an essay by T.S. Elliot to the guy as a sarcastic joke--the professor didn't catch on and gave him a "C" on the essay!

Leonardo Noto

 

[Peder]

Lucky student! An "F" if the professor had caught on?

 

[manuscriptx]

I agree with everyone else;

It's a blatant rip off of Shakespeare. You may have started out dribbling a few lines of this nonsense on your lunch break but I fail to see how you couldn't have looked at the total content and not find it at least somewhat familiar sounding.

Yeah, I suppose your only way out of a direct charge of plagiarism is by pleading ignorance.

I don't buy it; neither seems the others (particularly the first critic; Paul).


What I wrote back in '07 was this:

http://www.bookandreader.com/forums/f21/ipoetry-13206.html

If you compare it to Lord Byron :

She Walks in Beauty - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


It's definitely similar but no where near exact. I go off on my own tangential line where as you start stop and finish in all the footprints someone else made in the snow.


Thumbs down Willie. All the way down.

 

[sparkchaser]

It's a blatant rip off of Shakespeare. You may have started out dribbling a few lines of this nonsense on your lunch break but I fail to see how you couldn't have looked at the total content and not find it at least somewhat familiar sounding.

Yeah, I suppose your only way out of a direct charge of plagiarism is by pleading ignorance.

I don't buy it; neither seems the others (particularly the first critic; Paul).


What I wrote back in '07 was this:

http://www.bookandreader.com/forums/f21/ipoetry-13206.html

If you compare it to Lord Byron :

She Walks in Beauty - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


It's definitely similar but no where near exact. I go off on my own tangential line where as you start stop and finish in all the footprints someone else made in the snow.


Thumbs down Willie. All the way down.

 

[WolfLarsen]

Zap, Kapow, Sploowify

I like that one better.

 

[canuck]

I like that one better.

And your reason for preferring that to the very beautiful poem is?

 

[direstraits]

LOL! I see where this is going. Why the heck did I stay up late till 4 yesterday when all I needed was some pot noodles? Some people just like to hog all these tips for themselves.