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Teaspoons

Don't be afraid to ask questions. When you know so little about spoons it's easy to think people will laugh at you for asking silly questions, and indeed we will laugh at you. But when we've calmed down we'll be happy to educate you about all things spoony.

I would imagine someone called Badgerchops would be very interested in the ethics of poking badgers with spoons.
 
Well quite. For instance, I know that tradition dictates the spoon be a wooden one, but it is reasonable to use a metal ladle? My thoughts are that it's not ok, as it hurts, but I would love to know what others feel about this subject area.
 
It can also be quite dangerous on cold days to poke a badger with a metal ladle. It might stick to the badger's damp fur and cause a terrible injury. I think it's probably morally wrong, but perhaps there are other sides to the argument that I am not aware of.
 
It's bad to joke about poking and shooting things with teaspoons when real people are poking and shooting people with teaspoons. Shame on you.

First thing I did today was recount the teaspoons. Some of them are missing. Maybe he left one in the cake box or took one to dig a hole. Sometimes you find a little stash of spoons near some small nails and sand in his manly tool area. It's very hard to keep track.

Can you invent an automatic person-poker for spoonstealers?
 
Litany said:
And can badgers be masochists?
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I'm pretty sure they can.

See, I'm concerned that as a badger who enjoys the odd poke with a wooden spoon, I'm condoning a practice that some badger's find morally repellant. It's difficult being a badger sometimes.
 
novella said:
Can you invent an automatic person-poker for spoonstealers?
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I sincerely hope that one day someone will, but I fear that at present the technology just isn't advanced enough. It's a wonderful dream to cling to though, for those days when all seems dark and hopeless in the world of spoons.
 
I just felt a lovely frisson of je ne sais quoi. Alert alert. This thread is straying dangerously close to badger porn. There's nothing like a badger in stilletos. They have a geisha-like quality.
 
Technically that's true, but spoons lead to sporks, and if everyone can go get sporks whenever they want at WalMart and just go spork-poking, it will just escalate until we are all dead. There's no reason for a layperson to ever have a spork, and yet you can buy them at conferences. They use that tantalizing imagery to draw children in. I caught someone pretending their spoon was a spork the other day in a fantasy of violence.
 
That's smart of you.

I blame evolution, because sporks evolved from spoons as the world became more evil.
 
The criminals can always get sporks. What's to stop me from right now filing down a spoon and making an illegal and dangerously jagged spork? NOTHING! The only way to protect against spork crime is to arm the world with bigger and better sporks.

If some junked up loon breaks into my ship in the night and goes rifling through my cutlery drawer looking for something to poke me with do you think I'm just going to hide in my hammock and call the police? Do you have any idea what the response times are like when you're out at sea? I could be fully perforated by the time the coast guard got off their arses to investigate.

Sure, more children are poked in the home by legally owned cutlery than are poked dead on the street by badgers, but that's down to ED-U-CaYSHUN. It's a dangerous world out there and if you're not prepared to protect yourself then don't come crying to me when someone trips over your kid with a cake knife.
 
Glad to see I'm in good company here where all the great minds are in the same flow. It just goes to show, we CAN solve the issues. Kicking it up to the next level, I just want to say that most other people are insane and should be kept in a high-security environment like England. If criminals want to kill each other in England, their only weapon is their big head bashing into another guy. That queen runs a tight ship.
 
Litany said:
Sure, more children are poked in the home by legally owned cutlery than are poked dead on the street by badgers, but that's down to ED-U-CaYSHUN.
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I have to take issue with this. Your view of all badger's as being violent spork owners is really damaging to the badger community as a whole. These negative stereotypes are doing nothing to help try and build bridges between the badger community and the rest of the world.
 
Since New Labour got in there's been no crime at all in England. It's not worth all the paperwork you'd have to fill in. I know someone what got hanged on account of misfiling his J2343: Intent To Commit Robbery Of Some Old Pensioner. And some bloke down the pub drew a little doodle below the DO NOT WRITE BELOW THIS LINE line and he got extraordinarily renditioned off to Morecambe Bay, on account of Guantamo being all booked up for the season.
 
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