The Home Site "Warning Graphic" feed back please

[Stewart]

I was looking for a input on the story line

When you haven't taken the time to check your work before you post it then that, in my opinion, shows a lack of respect for the reader and because the errors were so glaringly staring me in the face I found it too hard to concentrate on the story being told.

 

[Motokid]

I'd try for a rewrite and then post it again.

I would assume this is not a request that all 9 posts be posted again...maybe just one re-post to start, then wait for comments and requests for more....just a suggestion....

 

[leckert]

Motokid makes a valid suggestion. I certainly don't want to wade through 9 of these.

I have no clue about the story line, because I couldn't get far enough into it to detect one. The grammar and spelling errors were too distracting.

I did notice though, that Dominic's speech was flat and unrealistic. You should read some famous speeches by famous politicians (maybe Kennedy and/or Reagan) to see how these things are done. Your language was at time too familiar, and at times just inappropriate.

Try again.