The Programmer. Chapter 1 *New Title coming soon*

[mehastings]

Yes, I'm sure my teacher would say the same thing... But the 93 thing I don't get? Can you explain some more?

In all honesty, I'd just get rid of the whole "Serial Killer of 93" bit. Name him something like "The Unibomber" (except not that, obviously).

Me changing areas? Is that what you mean?

No. I meant that you change verb senses where you shouldn't. Past, present, future (that kind of thing). It's ok to talk about the past during a flashback, but don't talk about it in present tense in the next sentence. Get it?

"The Old Days" - When John was new and he was investigating murders, rapes, assinations and that stuff.
"Cyber Criminals" - Criminals who steal through the internet. Do Illegal internet activities...

OK. Don't capitalize them.

What about once in the arm? Is that more "believable"?

No. It isn't. It's believable that he would be transported to the nearest medical facility and be out of the fight. How about he sprains his ankle? Or, he could step on a nail!

 

[King Kovifor]

In all honesty, I'd just get rid of the whole "Serial Killer of 93" bit. Name him something like "The Unibomber" (except not that, obviously).



No. I meant that you change verb senses where you shouldn't. Past, present, future (that kind of thing). It's ok to talk about the past during a flashback, but don't talk about it in present tense in the next sentence. Get it?



OK. Don't capitalize them.




No. It isn't. It's believable that he would be transported to the nearest medical facility and be out of the fight. How about he sprains his ankle? Or, he could step on a nail!

Something that wouldn't make it so that he isn't able to fight...