gonewiththewind
Member
I am going to start off by apologizing for the length of this... it is no longer accessible on Ebay that I know of. I copied this to a file when it was running. Book lovers/collectors may enjoy this. It was for a charity drive. The book sold - don't know for how much but I thought this was pretty funny:
CRAPPY OLD ANTIQUE BOOK NO GOOD SMELLS FALLING APART
Description
(please read through the ENTIRE ad)
CHILD CLASSICS
Up for your bibliographic shock is this disbound, bad, stained, soiled, heap of crap. It smells of smoke, dead fish, cat pee and who knows what. It would serve as excellent fodder to start your summer campfire or supply your camp outhouse.
CONDITION: Disbound, stained, soiled, wrote on, drawn on, cracked, bumped, bent, rubbed, worn, damaged, torn, ripped, dog-eared, cocked, leaning, foxing, dirty, smudged, water-stained, loose, A GOOD CANDITATE for a termite farm!!
If you have millions & are looking for a good investment opportunity then take a look at this!!! All your friends have these rare & pristine books to show off, but YOU will have a one-of-a-kind pile of raggity papers no-one can do a one up on you with.
Yes friend, there is rare art contained within these pages (scribbling) duly drawn and preserved in the contents by budding young artists who never made it & are deceased now, thier work all but forgotten but for the pages herien.
Here is a chance to own a scarce, highly collectible piece of literary Garbage listed for much much less elsewhere online. This book is an excellent investment if you are mentally deficient, which has been steadily decreasing in value and will continue to do so.
Just look at the incredible printing on the pages, it is the culmination of 500 years of typesetting perfection!!! Why .......it took thousands of years to perfect the formula for the paper alone!! Don't look at this as trashheap material, but as the crowning glory of modern bibliography.
So friends, from a Bibliognost (Having a deep knowledge of books) I offer you, a Bibliophile (lover of books), this book with hopes you don't become a Bibliomaniac -(A bibliophile in whom the love of books has become an obsession; many bookdealers and certain collectors.) and a warning to beware the Biblioclast ( destroyer of books) and the Biblioklept (A stealer of books) just don't develop Bibliophobia ( fear of books) and stop going to the Bibliopole (The people behind the booths at the book fairs).
There is no mention in this book of devils, the devil, satan, lucifer, witchcraft, witch, witches, haunting, ghosts or ghost, the occult, freemasonry, 100 books, mason, masonic, freemason, Mark twain, lincoln, the civil war, roosevelt, kennedy, washington, this book is purely a "G" rated children's book.
Please be aware it costs money to pack and ship your purchase!! LOTS OF MONEY !!! We are making, or trying to make all the money we can possibly squeeze from you for substandard shipping. We do not charge all that much for handling (if you are rich & money is no object), but 24 carat gold foil bubble wrap & Postage costs money. Look around on Ebay, compare our shipping, you will find it is astronomical, but hey, if you can afford to blow this much money on garbage what's a few G's for shipping????.
WE CANNOT SHIP FOR LESS THAN COST (our cost...inflated, overpriced and outlandish). We offer you the choice of shipping methods (delivery in person for this amount, or we can send it in a limo, heck, we'll have someone at your doorstep delivering it on thier knees), so please keep that in mind when rating us.
We package our books in paper towel to ensure surprise at delivery. We bubble wrap the money you send us to preserve it on the way to the bank. Shipping includes an allowance for drinking materials needed to package your item for shipment.
We Absolutely CANNOT combine multiple items for shipment to save you money on shipping costs.
We have many other 1st edition trashy books and rare unheard of & worthless books, as well as complete sets and collections of disbound pages, many listed on eBay right now, so browse our store and remember, we list for millions weekly, so check back often and send us a blank check!!
WE never want to hear from our customers, you can reach us at the local bar, or call us by screaming quite loudly. Please feel free to contact us at any time, as our customers are not important to us and we will never return your call anyway.
Click here to add me to your favorite sellers!
SHIPPING & HANDLING:
US Shipping: 1) $5,000.00 delivery in person, 2) $7,000.00 delivery by a groveling idiot, 3) $15,000 parachuted to your front door. **large sets may require additional liquor, contact us.
Shipping time once mailed is whenever we get good dam & ready. On rare occasions we have had delivery time to Alaska & other far points take years. If you need it fast then you are SOL. If paying by check please leave the amount blank.
OVERSEAS SHIPPING: You better be a multi millionaire!!!!
NOTICE:
After all the serious listings I have had to do, and seeing all the crazy ads for incredible amounts of money for stupid stuff, I just wanted to have a little fun with this one!! If you really want it I will ship it media mail for $00, unless of course you really want an extravagant delivery!!!
If You got a good laugh from this ad please bid $.01 !! or make a comment by asking a question & I will post it!! Have a great day & Keep smiling!!
Delivery confirmation is included in the shipping cost, Insurance is optional and is listed in the shipping section below.
Click here to see my other items, ranked by popularity!
________________________________________
On May-11-08 at 11:22:42 PDT, seller added the following information:
100% of this sale is going to charity, I paid the $50.00 in Misc. fees for advertising, so please be generous. The Book really doesn't stink, I was just having fun, It is just Disbound & in bad condition. In Booksellers terms this is a "READING" copy. I suppose one could take it to a bindery to be restored. It is an old Schoolbook from 1909. Hope you at least were left smiling after reading this ad.
- The Waldens
________________________________________
On May-14-08 at 03:59:42 PDT, seller added the following information:
Just to "Sweeten" the deal for the winning bidder we will throw in some of our Maple Syrup !! Please show your support as this charity helps natural disaster victims. Don't forget to post a comment!!!!
On May-14-08 at 04:07:48 PDT, seller added the following information:
If the high bid goes over $30.00 we will throw in a bottle of syrup with the maple leaf!!! Sweet!!!
________________________________________
________________________________________
On May-15-08 at 02:58:44 PDT, seller added the following information:
Thanks to all you ebayers this crappy book is now on the Ebay's most watched Pulse list!! Remember to watch this in your Ebay & please don't be afraid of bidding for a good cause.
CRAPPY OLD ANTIQUE BOOK NO GOOD SMELLS FALLING APART
Description
(please read through the ENTIRE ad)
CHILD CLASSICS
Up for your bibliographic shock is this disbound, bad, stained, soiled, heap of crap. It smells of smoke, dead fish, cat pee and who knows what. It would serve as excellent fodder to start your summer campfire or supply your camp outhouse.
CONDITION: Disbound, stained, soiled, wrote on, drawn on, cracked, bumped, bent, rubbed, worn, damaged, torn, ripped, dog-eared, cocked, leaning, foxing, dirty, smudged, water-stained, loose, A GOOD CANDITATE for a termite farm!!
If you have millions & are looking for a good investment opportunity then take a look at this!!! All your friends have these rare & pristine books to show off, but YOU will have a one-of-a-kind pile of raggity papers no-one can do a one up on you with.
Yes friend, there is rare art contained within these pages (scribbling) duly drawn and preserved in the contents by budding young artists who never made it & are deceased now, thier work all but forgotten but for the pages herien.
Here is a chance to own a scarce, highly collectible piece of literary Garbage listed for much much less elsewhere online. This book is an excellent investment if you are mentally deficient, which has been steadily decreasing in value and will continue to do so.
Just look at the incredible printing on the pages, it is the culmination of 500 years of typesetting perfection!!! Why .......it took thousands of years to perfect the formula for the paper alone!! Don't look at this as trashheap material, but as the crowning glory of modern bibliography.
So friends, from a Bibliognost (Having a deep knowledge of books) I offer you, a Bibliophile (lover of books), this book with hopes you don't become a Bibliomaniac -(A bibliophile in whom the love of books has become an obsession; many bookdealers and certain collectors.) and a warning to beware the Biblioclast ( destroyer of books) and the Biblioklept (A stealer of books) just don't develop Bibliophobia ( fear of books) and stop going to the Bibliopole (The people behind the booths at the book fairs).
There is no mention in this book of devils, the devil, satan, lucifer, witchcraft, witch, witches, haunting, ghosts or ghost, the occult, freemasonry, 100 books, mason, masonic, freemason, Mark twain, lincoln, the civil war, roosevelt, kennedy, washington, this book is purely a "G" rated children's book.
Please be aware it costs money to pack and ship your purchase!! LOTS OF MONEY !!! We are making, or trying to make all the money we can possibly squeeze from you for substandard shipping. We do not charge all that much for handling (if you are rich & money is no object), but 24 carat gold foil bubble wrap & Postage costs money. Look around on Ebay, compare our shipping, you will find it is astronomical, but hey, if you can afford to blow this much money on garbage what's a few G's for shipping????.
WE CANNOT SHIP FOR LESS THAN COST (our cost...inflated, overpriced and outlandish). We offer you the choice of shipping methods (delivery in person for this amount, or we can send it in a limo, heck, we'll have someone at your doorstep delivering it on thier knees), so please keep that in mind when rating us.
We package our books in paper towel to ensure surprise at delivery. We bubble wrap the money you send us to preserve it on the way to the bank. Shipping includes an allowance for drinking materials needed to package your item for shipment.
We Absolutely CANNOT combine multiple items for shipment to save you money on shipping costs.
We have many other 1st edition trashy books and rare unheard of & worthless books, as well as complete sets and collections of disbound pages, many listed on eBay right now, so browse our store and remember, we list for millions weekly, so check back often and send us a blank check!!
WE never want to hear from our customers, you can reach us at the local bar, or call us by screaming quite loudly. Please feel free to contact us at any time, as our customers are not important to us and we will never return your call anyway.
Click here to add me to your favorite sellers!
SHIPPING & HANDLING:
US Shipping: 1) $5,000.00 delivery in person, 2) $7,000.00 delivery by a groveling idiot, 3) $15,000 parachuted to your front door. **large sets may require additional liquor, contact us.
Shipping time once mailed is whenever we get good dam & ready. On rare occasions we have had delivery time to Alaska & other far points take years. If you need it fast then you are SOL. If paying by check please leave the amount blank.
OVERSEAS SHIPPING: You better be a multi millionaire!!!!
NOTICE:
After all the serious listings I have had to do, and seeing all the crazy ads for incredible amounts of money for stupid stuff, I just wanted to have a little fun with this one!! If you really want it I will ship it media mail for $00, unless of course you really want an extravagant delivery!!!
If You got a good laugh from this ad please bid $.01 !! or make a comment by asking a question & I will post it!! Have a great day & Keep smiling!!
Delivery confirmation is included in the shipping cost, Insurance is optional and is listed in the shipping section below.
Click here to see my other items, ranked by popularity!
________________________________________
On May-11-08 at 11:22:42 PDT, seller added the following information:
100% of this sale is going to charity, I paid the $50.00 in Misc. fees for advertising, so please be generous. The Book really doesn't stink, I was just having fun, It is just Disbound & in bad condition. In Booksellers terms this is a "READING" copy. I suppose one could take it to a bindery to be restored. It is an old Schoolbook from 1909. Hope you at least were left smiling after reading this ad.
- The Waldens
________________________________________
On May-14-08 at 03:59:42 PDT, seller added the following information:
Just to "Sweeten" the deal for the winning bidder we will throw in some of our Maple Syrup !! Please show your support as this charity helps natural disaster victims. Don't forget to post a comment!!!!
On May-14-08 at 04:07:48 PDT, seller added the following information:
If the high bid goes over $30.00 we will throw in a bottle of syrup with the maple leaf!!! Sweet!!!
________________________________________
________________________________________
On May-15-08 at 02:58:44 PDT, seller added the following information:
Thanks to all you ebayers this crappy book is now on the Ebay's most watched Pulse list!! Remember to watch this in your Ebay & please don't be afraid of bidding for a good cause.
