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- Thread starter tugger
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third man girl
New Member
I'm going to be really annoying, and cheat 
An excerpt from my book. Name shortened to protect the name of my character
[Written by Colin, the lawyer]
He was most particular about footwear. I suggested he should get a pair of lace-ups to wear with the suit he had bought, but he shook his head. Instead, he discovered, in a tiny back-street shoe shop, staffed by two smooth, young Italians, black kidskin ankle-boots. I hovered in the doorway while 'M' pushed bare feet into the boots. The shop was oppressive, not in size or humidity, but in atmosphere. 'M' debated the narrowed toes, weight of leather, and the raised Cuban ‘grinding’ heel, with Luigi, the younger of the boys. The bold Luigi demonstrated a metal button, which replaced the toggle found on conventional zips, and lapsed into Italian-English to discuss stealth, nonfriction, stylishness. I caught the word Mafioso and slipped outside for air.
Third Man Girl
An excerpt from my book. Name shortened to protect the name of my character
[Written by Colin, the lawyer]
He was most particular about footwear. I suggested he should get a pair of lace-ups to wear with the suit he had bought, but he shook his head. Instead, he discovered, in a tiny back-street shoe shop, staffed by two smooth, young Italians, black kidskin ankle-boots. I hovered in the doorway while 'M' pushed bare feet into the boots. The shop was oppressive, not in size or humidity, but in atmosphere. 'M' debated the narrowed toes, weight of leather, and the raised Cuban ‘grinding’ heel, with Luigi, the younger of the boys. The bold Luigi demonstrated a metal button, which replaced the toggle found on conventional zips, and lapsed into Italian-English to discuss stealth, nonfriction, stylishness. I caught the word Mafioso and slipped outside for air.
Third Man Girl
third man girl
New Member
tugger said:
No
tugger said:
No
tugger said:
No
tugger said:
No, Poet. Your questions don't bug me at all. I just can't answer in one quick message. I'm not good at condensing without rambling. And, like you with your poetry, I don't want to give away too much - the ideas, I mean, not the writing. I'd like to post a little bit, but I can't compete with space ships and Mile-O and educated writers. And the bits I have written are either too tame, or too . . . too 'the opposite'
Running scared.
Third Man Girl
tugger
Member
I'm disappointed, but I understand. I go through the same feelings. I'm not sure I agree with the "competing" part though. Maybe I'm just not sure what you mean by that. And, other than Mile-O, I'm not sure just who these "educated writers" are. Education doesn't necessarily make for a good writer. I consider myself "educated" as you say. (And I certainly don't feel I'm in any competition with you or anyone else). Also, I won't mention names, but personally, I've found some of the writing on this board to be pompous and pretentious. The moment a poet or writer tries to impress rather than communicate, they've failed. Not that my stuff is all that good, but I DO try to be true to the poem and not just write to say to the reader, "Hey, look how educated I must be to write like this." I also feel it is more skillful if you can make someone feel a particular emotion in three or four words instead of three or four hundred. THAT'S the true sign of an "educated" writer.
Still, as I said before, I understand about the "sharing too much" part. It's a fine line.
third man girl
New Member
tugger said:
By 'educated writers' I was referring to people who have had the benefit of creative writing classes, eg Ashlea. I would like honest criticism regarding my use of language, grammar, writing ability, etc. But the actual story is probably only of interest to me. That was what I meant when I said I couldn't compete with space ships. My writing is more about every day life: guys growing up; girlfriends; fighting; friendships; loyalties; the formation of their gang; the gang's continuation into adulthood. So I don't know if other people would find it compelling to read?
What I am trying to say (in three hundred words or less
) is that I would like feedback on the writing, yes, but don't bite my story. Would you do that, please? Tugger? Ashlea? Others?Third Man Girl
Ashlea
New Member
I've met very few stories that I didn't like, across all sorts of genres, types. I'm sure I'll love yours. Real life served up with a twist is generally the best sort. The parts that you've shared so far have been very intriguing.
In fact, I'm quite jealous. I have all the tools but never seem to have enough raw material to work with.
In fact, I'm quite jealous. I have all the tools but never seem to have enough raw material to work with.
third man girl
New Member
It's a shame that writing books isn't a team game. I'm sure we could all contribute something.
Thanks again for your support. I'll go and post a section of my work now, before I get cold feet . . .
Third Man Girl
Thanks again for your support. I'll go and post a section of my work now, before I get cold feet . . .
Third Man Girl
CJP
New Member
I hate shoes
I'm a typical girl.... which pair of shoes do you mean?
THESE SHOES: Thread
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In no LESS than twenty-five words, describe your shoes.
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I guess I am not the typical female. I hate shoes, rather to be more precise, I hate WEARING shoes, so much so, that I have devoted an entire chapter in my book to the subject. (opps! Mr. Moderator I mentioned my book.) The chapter in my book is titled "Barking Dogs." (opps! Mr. Moderator I mentioned my book again.) You know I am not suppose to mention my book. Oh darn, opps, I did it again.
I'm a typical girl.... which pair of shoes do you mean?
THESE SHOES: Thread
Want to play? Version 2.0
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
In no LESS than twenty-five words, describe your shoes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess I am not the typical female. I hate shoes, rather to be more precise, I hate WEARING shoes, so much so, that I have devoted an entire chapter in my book to the subject. (opps! Mr. Moderator I mentioned my book.) The chapter in my book is titled "Barking Dogs." (opps! Mr. Moderator I mentioned my book again.) You know I am not suppose to mention my book. Oh darn, opps, I did it again.