Winter song

[mrkgnao]

Thought I'd try this forum too (I've read some of the other posts and will write clever comments when I'm feeling clever. )

This is a song I wrote in January and February. It's not bitter at all Comments welcome.


Waiting for the Sun of Spring
He's beaten black and blue
Comes to me, he's shivering
I'm shivering too

He stands inside, the dark outside,
Tryin' to not look out
He doesn't hide he wants to hide
And I don't doubt

He looks away and I look at
The colours he conceals
We hate the things we took that
Our black eyes reveal

We meet under my cover
Hot hands are still as ice
This rhyme sucks also, lover
This is not nice

Lying with the Sun of Spring
A lie not small, not white:
That knowing what will come there's nothing
We cannot fight


*mrkgnao*

 

[pink shadow]

That's great! Are you sure it's just spring your longing for, though?

 

[bren]

nice going! how to convey the tune... ?

 

[veggiedog]

Me gusta!

You must tape record this song for me while you are singing in the shower and send it to the prison where I live so I can listen to it all winter long. I do love winter, though.
Not to worry, though, I am not a stalker. I'm a 14-year-old girl. If anyone is going to be stalked, it'll be me.

Now that GreenKnight has promised to teach me to haiku (secretly, without telling me, but I can read minds), you must teach me to write music. Then I can write my own and make more money than either of you ever would.

If it makes you feel any better, the song was very good and actually rhymed!! I can never rhyme without sounding very stupid indeed. Actually, I always sound very stupid.

Hasta luego!

 

[mrkgnao]

Thanks guys! I'll let you know when it's time for the world premier on MTV (*ahem*, I mean VH1)

you must teach me to write music. Then I can write my own and make more money than either of you ever would.

You know what they say, "those who can, do; those who can't, teach." I don't really know how to do it, I just do it. I believe in inspiration. The music to it is a bit strange, I think, but then I've only been playing the guitar for about a year.


*mrkgnao*

 

[Poppy1]

I love your name mrkgnao - sounds much more like a cat than our traditional miou. I really like your song, makes me think of your long winter and how you must long to see the sun again. The only line that didn't seem to fit was "This rhyme sucks also, lover. This is not nice " Perhaps you can explain.

 

[mrkgnao]

The only line that didn't seem to fit was "This rhyme sucks also, lover. This is not nice " Perhaps you can explain.

Well, I think what I meant in the first hand was that winter sucks and is not nice...

*mrkgnao*

 

[mrkgnao]

Veggiedog: I have now come up with a piece of actual advice : a thesaurus and a rhyming dictionary are absolutely essential! (I refuse to admit this would contradict what I said about inspiration ) At least, that's true for me - I firmly believe there is no one way of writing, rather everyone must find their way. And I think the only way to do that is to keep at it and write and write.

Poppy1: Thanks, but I can't take credit for my name: James Joyce came up with it. Funnily, my cat says exactly that, which of course proves that she, too, has read Ulysses!


*mrkgnao*

 

[stigmaticman]

I to like this thread
it makes me want to smile
ahh spring is here
thanks for posting

 

[mrkgnao]

ahh spring is here
thanks for posting

Thank you!

(btw: Spring is where? Soon I'll have to go there. Very soon, I can't wait any longer... )


*mrkgnao*

 

[mrkgnao]

The sequel

OK, things are looking up I was out in the woods for hours today! The chords to this one will be happier, once I get them straightened out

Spring song

Walkin' with the Sun of Spring
He's naked as can be
He should be dressed in green but he
don't listen to me

He paints his toenails yellow though
- in purple, one or two -
His hair is last year's oak leaves
His skeyes are blue

He jumps into the lake, the fool
He swears it's nice and warm
"Just look at all the sparklies!"
I'm not that dumb.

He smells the earth that's come alive
He smells of trees and stone
He shows me how he'll tease the buds
and make them grown

He takes my hand and strokes my face
and makes me close my eyes
His hands are warm and soft as well
Oh, this is nice

Lyin' with the Sun of Spring
A lie not small, not white:
That finally we won the day
We beat the fight


*mrkgnao*

 

[bren]

Are you sure that's the sequel? I say it goes in after the bridge, all in one big song.

 

[mrkgnao]

Are you sure that's the sequel? I say it goes in after the bridge, all in one big song.

Yeah, but I'd have to stretch the set out over so many months I'd lose too much reading time

 

[Poppy1]

Love it mrkgnao. Notice "he's" still around.

 

[pink shadow]

My dear, you can call it "Winter song" and "Spring song" as much as you like, but all I read is "lying with a naked man"

This is a great poem! I'm sensing a follow up in the not too distant future. Could you tell your naked man to hurry up with summer, please?

 

[mrkgnao]

My dear, you can call it "Winter song" and "Spring song" as much as you like, but all I read is "lying with a naked man"

Well, duh! And the more sunlight on him, the better

Could you tell your naked man to hurry up with summer, please?

Aww, don't make him put on the green clothes too soon!!


*mrkgnao*