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worst part of your character?

Ronny said:
Since we are on the topic of male personality quirks, what's up with all the ass slapping? As a waitress I guess I was fair game but then you all do it to each other too and I don't get it?

See, we don't like gushy emotional crap. The ass slap is like a hug without the girly stuff attached to it, and is normally confined to professional sports. However, it is indicative of the male communication pattern.

Women will hug each other, and hop in place, touch each other's arms and giggle. That's fine for women. You all typically are quicker to show emotion.

We need a less committing gesture. The ass slap says "good job", or "I'm with ya", and sends the recipient on his way with no obligation to return the sentiment. In fact returning the gesture would be construed as "gay" and frowned upon! Words are not required or even appropriate. Men have a problem with words, and, if it were up to us, the language would be reduced to ten or twelve useful ones. Most of our communication would be in the form of grunting, and pointing. Affection is shown through the aforementioned ass-slap, or a punch in the arm. Deeply felt affection is voiced through name calling.

It is distrubing to me that women have succeeded in domesticating some men to the point that they now feel free to hug one another. While they retain some semblance of man-ness by clenching their fist and hitting the back of the huggee, this does not hide the fact that men are hugging. This is uncomfortable, and unnatural, and should be stopped!

punch me in the arm, or slap my ass, or call me a name (bastard and shit head are preferred). Please do not embrace me! Do not break my "bubble"!
 
and see men lose sight of the fact that if only you would cry more, good cry, you would get more sex!!!!
 
jenngorham said:
and see men lose sight of the fact that if only you would cry more, good cry, you would get more sex!!!!

Well, the whole "sex" thing is pretty much a mystery to us. When it happens, we are in disbelief, and don't realize what is happening until it is over (30-45 seconds later!); when it doesn't happen, it's the woman's fault.

We think we know that there is a button to push, but we have no clue where to find it!

Any attempts of a woman to direct us are seen as "manipulation" which we are programmed to resist.

And, on the rare occasion that we do cry, there is always a thought in the back of our minds. The same one that we get when we are riding a moped or a fat ugly chick:

what if my friends find out I did this?

our complexity is unfathomable!
 
I thought there might be hidden rules there. So guys don't like hugs? not even from girls? because I noticed at my parents' house that a lot of their drunk friends were dispensing more than their fair share of hugs around. I actully had some bruises from being picked up, squeezed and twirled around. I walking stone cold sober into a party that has been going on awhile.
 
jenngorham said:
and see men lose sight of the fact that if only you would cry more, good cry, you would get more sex!!!!

There is a time and a place for everything. While you ladies are boring us at a restauraunt and we pay attention with feigned interest, and at the same time, trying to impersonate a "deep listening" posture of a psychotherapist, we are really thinking about freezing our own poo and hitting each other with it. :D
 
leckert said:
Well, the whole "sex" thing is pretty much a mystery to us. When it happens, we are in disbelief, and don't realize what is happening until it is over (30-45 seconds later!); when it doesn't happen, it's the woman's fault.

We think we know that there is a button to push, but we have no clue where to find it!

Any attempts of a woman to direct us are seen as "manipulation" which we are programmed to resist.

And, on the rare occasion that we do cry, there is always a thought in the back of our minds. The same one that we get when we are riding a moped or a fat ugly chick:

what if my friends find out I did this?

our complexity is unfathomable!


I'm buyin' you that coffee when I make it down there dude...you have made my eyes water twice now trying to control the fits of laughter while at work and reading your posts....this one is dead nuts on my friend.....
 
@sfg75
lmfaostdwibss!!!!!!


that would be laughing my f**king ass off, scared the dog with it's barking, snorting sound.
 
Motokid said:
I'm buyin' you that coffee when I make it down there dude...you have made my eyes water twice now trying to control the fits of laughter while at work and reading your posts....this one is dead nuts on my friend.....

You buy the coffee, I'll bring the frozen shit-in-a-bag! :D

(glad I could entertain!)
 
man leckert, why do you have to bring it to the point in such a short time... i was hoping I was the only one who figured that out allready...

Oh and do you need cake for your coffee?
 
honeydevil said:
man leckert, why do you have to bring it to the point in such a short time... i was hoping I was the only one who figured that out allready...

Oh and do you need cake for your coffee?

If by "bring it to the point" you are referring to the 30-45 seconds, that is certainly not by design. I guess it is simply genetics.

What would help this whole man/woman thing along would be that if women realized that the longer it is between rounds for us, the shorter the rounds last!
I mean, after a couple of months, if I walk by an air vent I have to go change my pants!

I like a little something sweet with my coffee!
 
Ronny said:
I thought there might be hidden rules there. So guys don't like hugs? not even from girls? because I noticed at my parents' house that a lot of their drunk friends were dispensing more than their fair share of hugs around. I actully had some bruises from being picked up, squeezed and twirled around. I walking stone cold sober into a party that has been going on awhile.

Well, here you are witnessing several dynamics at work:

We love hugs from girls, especially cute ones when our friends are around. This says "see, guys, I'm a stud!"

Add alcohol to most men, and they become blubbering hug-machines. After a Wild Turkey or three, I have found myself hugging a cardboard cut-out of "Spiderman" at a 7-11 ! (I actually think I may have gotten it's number!)

Now, when you are talking about men in their late 30s and older being hugged by women age 18 to 28 or so, this is a simple ego thing. The younger woman thinks He's so harmless. I can hug him and they look at it as an "uncle" type of hug. the man, though, sees this as a declaration of his virility. Even the young ones still think I'm hot! I knew these sandals and black socks were the bomb. I am the mac-daddy!

I'm telling you. Don't peel this onion back too much. It can only lead to tears!
 
I knew these sandals and black socks were the bomb

Hey, you must of been there? That is what some were wearing. My parents
friends are always hard to sort out, well my Mom & Stepdad's are anyways as they are not too much older than me, my mom had me at 16, so we have even had shared friends. My Dad's friends are easier to deal with he's older and they keep their distance. Amazing the difference 5 years makes in some people, that and my dad is very conservative while my mom is a hippy, I still don't know how they ever got together.
 
sirmyk said:
Men only hug women because it's the lowest form of dry-humping... unless with relatives...

Depends on which relatives... (I mean, have you seen my aunt Donna? man!)
 
Ronny said:
Hey, you must of been there? That is what some were wearing. My parents
friends are always hard to sort out, well my Mom & Stepdad's are anyways as they are not too much older than me, my mom had me at 16, so we have even had shared friends. My Dad's friends are easier to deal with he's older and they keep their distance. Amazing the difference 5 years makes in some people, that and my dad is very conservative while my mom is a hippy, I still don't know how they ever got together.

5 years can be a lifetime. It depends on which five it is. The five between 13 and 18 are HUGE (at least that's what the judge told me!). But the five between 35 and 40 aren't such a big deal.

I guess opposites do attract, huh?
 
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