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your parents birds and the bees talk

My parents never sat me down and discussed anything with me. Fifth and sixth grade sex education is about as far as I ever went with talking with adults about sex in any form. I do wish that they had talked about it with me more, but I understand that they were uncomfortable about it, I would have been too!
 
"Just to underline the importance of being really open and giving your kids as much info as you can"

This is the part I have trouble with novella. Giving my girls as much info as I have.
What I have is kinda scary and probably too much for them to have all of it right now.
 
go as far as the question warrants. if the kid asks what is sex, then answer it frankly and honestly. i think it is also ok to say this is something that might be uncomfortable for both of you to talk about, but that no questions are dumb and if you don't know you will find out.
leaving age appropriate books casually lying about is also a good idea, as novella suggested.
my 4 year old knows the proper terms for everything and we are working on the 3 b's. bedroom bathroom by yourself, as he has really discovered his penis.
if he came to me and asked me where babies come from i would say from inside mom. that my satisfy him. if he said how did they get there, i would explain, in as simple a terms possible.
 
In Denmark the government made a cdrom for the kids in the age of 14 - 16 where there was a lot of info about sex and the diseases you are exposed to.
On this cdrom they had decided to go really into details, so they had info about animal sex, watersports and that sort of things.. I don't think I have ever seen anything get pulled back faster, parents where really upset about the info on that cd. :)
 
There's a big difference between "give them just enough to answer their questions" and "give them as much as you can"

No studmuffin here Martin, but the internet has the incredible ability to open your eyes to stuff you otherwise might never have even dreamed of.
Some of it fascinating, some of it downright frightening.
 
My mom and I had a very basic discussion while hanging laundry the summer between 4th and 5th grade. Until then I had NO IDEA. She did not, however, give me any ideas with regard to logistics or birth control. She of course squeezed in the requisite crock of sh*t "your father and I waited until we were married". Yeah, in the early seventies? My pothead dad? I bet they did...

A true bookie from the get go, I looked most of the other stuff up in the encyclopedia.
 
Motokid said:
There's a big difference between "give them just enough to answer their questions" and "give them as much as you can"

No studmuffin here Martin, but the internet has the incredible ability to open your eyes to stuff you otherwise might never have even dreamed of.
Some of it fascinating, some of it downright frightening.
Click to expand...


i know what you are saying, but answering questions about anatomy and what goes where when is a lot different than elaborating on all manner of things one could put in a rectum ie: goldfish(i've been to the scary places too :eek: )
what i mean is if your kid came to you and said, what is a blowjob. explain, however there is no need to go futher by detailing some freaky deaky animal thing they may run into online at a later date.
that's a bit extreme. i guess i mean if my son at 4 came to me and said where do babies come from, i wouldn't elaborate on other sexual acts. it's not necessary and would confuse him.
but if your 14 year old asks, then go down that road, until his questions are answered.
 
My parents told me nothing. However, they also did not censor my reading or movie watching, so I was very well informed.

Also, my school district was especially informative, especially considering how rural the town I grew up in is. We had the 4th grade "girls talk" with movie featuring the cast of Annie, another discussion in Jr. High, a unit in my Biology class that was very informative, and a separate health class that was also informative.

Unfortunately, I also know that one of other teachers of the health class refused to teach anything but abstinence. So I was lucky.
 
It depends on the age. I agree with both Jenn and Novella. When they're young, you answer in a straightforward manner until their questions are satisfied for the time being. Be ready to answer more questions once they've had a chance to absorb it. When they're older, it may be necessary to bring things to their attention - e.g. the misinformation about oral sex.

I have no problem talking to children and teens about sex, but that's because I did it as part of my job as a community health nurse. My best words of caution are to make sure you have all the facts and can talk about things in a calm, non-judgmental manner. That means using correct terminology for body parts and know the facts about the dangers of unprotected sex. Children and teens are very astute at knowing when you're uncomfortable about any topic and will shut down faster than you can blink an eye if they think you can't handle it. It's almost better to say to them, "Sometimes, it's hard for me talk about this because my parents didn't discuss this with me, but it's important and I'll do the best I can." In other words, don't try to bluff it.
 
My parents were very good at avoiding the talk. I found out what sex was when I read about it in a health textbook. The only thing my mother ever told me (over and over again) was that I'd better wait until I was married or I'd burn in hell. The closest she ever got to telling me anything useful about sex was that it hurts a lot and it's not possible for women to actually enjoy it.

I think it's vital for a young adult to hear about sex from someone they trust. You can have a disastrous situation if as a parent you turn a blind eye and pretend your child already knows the facts of life, or is still too young to lose their innocence.
 
I didn't get a talk; I got a locker room education. I don't think a single talk is sufficient anyway. Something more along the lines of what novella was saying would work better. According to Men's Health, the average guy discovers masturbation at age 11, and from a short survey of my female friends, it seems to be similar for girls. I wish I would've known that stat; it would've saved me some anxiety. Anyway, I guess sex ed in the home needs to start somewhere around 9 or 10 I suppose.
 
i also feel that there has to be more discussion on the functionality of things. we have women in epidemic proportions who don't enjoy sex, don't orgasm, and don't know how to give themselves an orgasm. and if they wind up with parteners who are steps1 2 and 3 type people, then sex can be frustrating and disappointing for both parties. of course who really wants to sit down with their child and say by the way this is how to stimulate a females clitoris, but again there are books, there are other resources people can turn to.
it is only half the lesson to educate on the biology and the dangers of sex. we must go further to talk about the emotional aspects and the physicallity of it. how many men are wandering around out there thinking their best moves are ones they picked up in watching a porn. how many women thinking that sex should look as beautiful and choreographed as in the movies. i feel if we enter into sexual education with our children as early as we can, with honesty and open minds, then our children , when they are older, will enter into sexual relationships with open minds and real expectations.
 
I think talking about the emotional aspects comes into play all the way along. The younger the age, the simpler the talk. However, pre-pubescent children and teens really need to talk about it - especially the girls. They tend to get caught up in this airy-fairy idea that love=sex and if they 'love' someone they must put out. It's an argument that's been used on girls for eons, i.e. if you really love me, then you'd have sex with me.

It's not a one time talk. It has to be a dialogue that goes on from a young age. There's more to it than anatomy and STDs. But the trust and dialogue needs to start as early as possible. By early, I mean the age they first ask where babies come from - usually around 4 or 5.
 
I remember 'the talk' I had with my mum quite well. I was about eight and a boy in my class told me he wanted to have sex with me! :eek: I didn't know what sex was so I went home and told my mum that I was going to have sex with a boy in my class. She looked at me in horror and then sat me down and we had the talk. Then I was horrified and told her that I was never doing that. :D

My mum was also very open minded. Maybe so much so that I too got caught at fifteen! I did tell her as soon as my lost my virginity and she was o.k with that. Not so o.k when I came home and announced I was pregnant though but in the end she was cool. My dad was another story! :(

I am now 24 and my daughter is already eight. Just think, she'll be ten when I'm still in my mid twenties. So my problem now is, when do I have the "Talk with her?" I don't want her to end up pregnant at fifteen like me! :confused:
 
i think it is really important to have the talk very early and then continue the talk, as much as possible. like i said my parents were very permissive and so i wound up in situations where i was making adult decisions. i think it is a fine line between smothering and being involved and knowing what is going on. i went from having a cute little boyfriend named willy, to a 17 year old with a drivers license. should have been a huge alarm bell there. my parents trusted me and i had never given them cause not too. it was more that i was being thrown into situations where i had the freedom to do what i liked. i babysat for a young mother, barb, all the time. she was very cool and let matt come over to babysit with me, and spend the night. now as an adult i look at that and go yikes. my mom was unaware of all that. simple phone calls to barb and checking in would maybe have produced other results. i remember feeling very grown up and sophisticated because in my mind my parents had given me the go ahead. it was my body and i knew what was best. i think my mom's intention was to give me permission to say no to guys and not feel bad about it. and when the time was right, when i was older to know i was making a good decision. when she found out that i had had sex she was so upset and i was confused as i thought she had said it was ok. that really floored her. mixed signals. that is why it is so important to have an ongoing dialogue.
 
Yes, jenn, the dialogue must be ongoing. You can't have a one time talk about how things work and expect everything's explained. As kids grow up, they pick all kinds of misinformation on the playground and locker room. The dialogue has to remain open.

Another thing. The talk to teens also needs a hefty dose of reality and possible consequences of their actions. Talk about various scenarios, 'heat of the moment' situations and how he/she is going to react, protection, methods of birth control and their correct use. Now, I'm sure someone's going to chime in and say talking about protection is condoning sex. Ask yourself this. Would you rather your teen become pregnant or develop an STD (HIV being only one of many nasty ones)?

You still can clearly state your views about early or pre-mairital sex. But, pardon the pun, sex happens. Make sure your child is prepared and ready to deal with it.

I'll get off my soapbox now. It's just that I feel very strongly about this. I've seen way too many unwanted, unplanned pregnancies and the concomitant fallout that occurs.
 
I don't know what to say!

This article needs to be added to Moto's thread about sex education.
 
You'd think after the first daughter got pregnant it might have dawned on her the sex education at the school wasn't up to much :rolleyes:

Seriously though, talk about shirking parental responsibilities - I can not see how she actually expects people to say she (the mother) wasn't even slightly at fault & it's all down to the school's.
 
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