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Books you'd never let your kids read....
- Thread starter Rosie
- Start date
M
member 737
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Fine, though I feel I could discuss it with you much longer.
h_carnahan
New Member
If I have childern they will be allowed to read whatever their little heart desires.
VTChEwbecca
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Idun said:
I had clear, unbreakable rules with an authoritarian displine system growing up, and it did nothing but hurt me. I'd rather allow my children to feel that they can come discuss things with me than tell them "you can read this and you can't read that." If I'd been outright banned from reading a book, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would've read it, and I was not, on the whole, a rebellious child. And children, for the most part, aren't going to pick up books that they are not ready for. As for teenagers, once they reach that stage, it is imperative to have a clear and open relationship with them, and I'd rather have a discussion-based system than a banning system when it comes to books. I think teenagers need to explore the world and if they come across brutality in books, how is that any worse than seeing it on tv in the news? Rapes are reported on a consistent basis, murders happen daily, terrorism has taken center stage...and all of this is on the six o'clock news. Encountering it in a fictional book is no worse. I'm not saying I like how the world is, I'm just realistic. Sheltering children from horrors doesn't make them go away, and if they enter the world unaware of the dangers out there, they're that much more in danger, themselves.
M
member 737
Guest
I understand your point of view, but disagree. A banning based system doesn't exclude discussions, as long as there are a well-balanced proportions. There are an age-limits in cinemas, and I think there are books which also should be limited. Because there are no "allowed from fifteen" signs on books, it's up to parents to decide which books are their children prepared for. Until their children are mature enough to make a wise choice by themselves. But if they are not restricted in childhood, they won't learn that there are some books which they should not read when they are older.
As for preparing children to living in a cruel world - I'd rather have them having trust in life and people, than become ready for fighting and see an enemy in others.
As for preparing children to living in a cruel world - I'd rather have them having trust in life and people, than become ready for fighting and see an enemy in others.
VTChEwbecca
kickbox
Perhaps I'm just too cynical about the world, and have been from a young age (I think this started when I was 11 or 12), but I guess I've always felt children should know what's coming. I certainly don't view all the people around me as enemies, but I'm prepared to fight if I have to. I'm not all that trusting of other people in general, and I still can't decide if that is good or bad.
I think I would probably not keep books that I felt had content that my child was ready for in plain sight. I'd probably store them at my grandma's house, like my father did (though he just has so many books, he has to store them other places), until I felt the child was ready for such material. I started reading "adult" books in about fourth grade, mixing them with YA books, and I'm sure not everyone would have found what I read to be age appropriate. However, growing up in the home I did, I think I was ready for such material at that young age. My parents never banned me from reading anything, though I did get lots of books put into my hands, which were enough to keep me entertained until about sixth grade when I started going to the library by myself. I still don't think I would outright ban books, but then again, I'm not expecting my (non-existent) child to pick up something like "Being a Nazi for Dummies," which I might be concerned about. I would hope that the values that I had instilled in them as they grew would allow them to choose their reading material wisely. I don't think that banning books from teenagers is wise, especially not the older ones. They are learning who they are, and I'd rather not ban books outright than have them hiding the books in their rooms and reading them without my knowledge.
I think I would probably not keep books that I felt had content that my child was ready for in plain sight. I'd probably store them at my grandma's house, like my father did (though he just has so many books, he has to store them other places), until I felt the child was ready for such material. I started reading "adult" books in about fourth grade, mixing them with YA books, and I'm sure not everyone would have found what I read to be age appropriate. However, growing up in the home I did, I think I was ready for such material at that young age. My parents never banned me from reading anything, though I did get lots of books put into my hands, which were enough to keep me entertained until about sixth grade when I started going to the library by myself. I still don't think I would outright ban books, but then again, I'm not expecting my (non-existent) child to pick up something like "Being a Nazi for Dummies," which I might be concerned about. I would hope that the values that I had instilled in them as they grew would allow them to choose their reading material wisely. I don't think that banning books from teenagers is wise, especially not the older ones. They are learning who they are, and I'd rather not ban books outright than have them hiding the books in their rooms and reading them without my knowledge.
M&O
New Member
home censoring
I'm just curious as to how many of those who said that they would let their children read whatever they chose actually have children. Speaking for myself, I know that before I became a parent I found it a lot easier to make many black & white decisions about parenting (family bed or not; "crying it out" or not; make them finish their veggies before they get up from the table or not). But then actually having the responsibility for another human being, and the responsibility of getting that human being to be able to care for herself, changed the basis of a lot of those decisions.
I'm just curious as to how many of those who said that they would let their children read whatever they chose actually have children. Speaking for myself, I know that before I became a parent I found it a lot easier to make many black & white decisions about parenting (family bed or not; "crying it out" or not; make them finish their veggies before they get up from the table or not). But then actually having the responsibility for another human being, and the responsibility of getting that human being to be able to care for herself, changed the basis of a lot of those decisions.
VTChEwbecca
kickbox
I myself have no children and no plans to have them. This is because I think that I would make an inadequate parent. I do have very definite ideas on parenting, and I know I'd fall short of those ideals. I find the banning of books to fall under authoritarian parenting-style, while I would wish to be an authoritative parent. I know that having children and actually being responsible for them changes how one views parenting, which is partly why I have no desire to have children. I'm afraid I would fall back on the techniques used by my mother and I have definite issues with those techniques (though I love my mother dearly) and the results from using such techniques. I don't wish to disparage anyone who has children, because I greatly admire anyone who does their best to raise a child fit for society, but I do have certain ideas of how i would want to raise a child, if I ever had one.
RaVeN
New Member
I'm a parent M&O. I've never had a set philosophy with my son. Every day there was a new challenge and a new set of circumstances and you'd better learn to adapt.
One thing that has been constant though is honesty. I demand nothing less from him and it's been drilled into his head from day one. The least I can do is give him the same thing in return.
Whenever he's had questions I've tried to give him the right answers, or at least point him in the direction where he might find them. And he's had some beauty's too, let me tell you.
The shitty thing about being a parent is there are no instant results. Sometimes you don't know if what you just gave him are the right answers or not. You know that they seem right in your gut or you wouldn't have passed them on to begin with, but are they what's really going to be of help to them? You won't find out sometimes 'til years down the road.
Nothing has worked better for me than honesty. Honesty and love. We shared alot of years together alone and you have to develop a trust. You've given him advice, you've told him where you've made your own mistakes and you hope a small part of it has sunk in.
I'm very proud of my son. He's never been afraid to ask questions from anyone, including himself and he's an honest, carring individual. How many 21 year old boys (boys mind you) do you know that are comfortable coming up to their old man, in front of their friends, and giving him a kiss goodbye and telling him that he loves him? Or saying "I love you dad" right before he hangs up from a phone conversation? He's been doing that to me all his life because he's honest with and not ashamed of his feelings.
Have I said yet how proud I am?
Anyway people, you're going to do what you're going to do. If it feels right to you to hide something from your child and you think that's the best thing for them, then by all means follow your instinct. That's never worked for me though and I hope my son remembers that when it's his turn.
One thing that has been constant though is honesty. I demand nothing less from him and it's been drilled into his head from day one. The least I can do is give him the same thing in return.
Whenever he's had questions I've tried to give him the right answers, or at least point him in the direction where he might find them. And he's had some beauty's too, let me tell you.
The shitty thing about being a parent is there are no instant results. Sometimes you don't know if what you just gave him are the right answers or not. You know that they seem right in your gut or you wouldn't have passed them on to begin with, but are they what's really going to be of help to them? You won't find out sometimes 'til years down the road.
Nothing has worked better for me than honesty. Honesty and love. We shared alot of years together alone and you have to develop a trust. You've given him advice, you've told him where you've made your own mistakes and you hope a small part of it has sunk in.
I'm very proud of my son. He's never been afraid to ask questions from anyone, including himself and he's an honest, carring individual. How many 21 year old boys (boys mind you) do you know that are comfortable coming up to their old man, in front of their friends, and giving him a kiss goodbye and telling him that he loves him? Or saying "I love you dad" right before he hangs up from a phone conversation? He's been doing that to me all his life because he's honest with and not ashamed of his feelings.
Have I said yet how proud I am?
Anyway people, you're going to do what you're going to do. If it feels right to you to hide something from your child and you think that's the best thing for them, then by all means follow your instinct. That's never worked for me though and I hope my son remembers that when it's his turn.
VTChEwbecca
kickbox
Wow, Raven, sounds like you have a wonderful son. The openess you talked about is what I would like to have...honesty being the basis for the relationship.
M&O
New Member
.
Raven,
Your relationship with your son sounds wonderful. Your post made me wonder, though, if you think telling your son you don't want to read certain material is dishonest? Or were you just focusing on honesty as an important part of parenting (which it is)? I think I mentioned in an above post that my mother told me not to read Forever by Judy Blume because "they talk about intercourse" (her words). That was honest, but I read it anyway. I was about 12, and looking back I can see why she'd have felt "freaked out" at the thought of my reading it, but I don't think I was really too young. However, if my 9-year old wanted to read it because she had read other books by Blume that are appropriate for 4th graders, I would not want her to be reading descriptions of the 17-year old narrator having sex with her boyfriend. I would honestly tell my daughter why I didn't want her to read it, why I thought she should be older, and tell her that I would not have a problem with her reading it in a few years.
Chewbecca-- I wanted to say that it is pretty insightful of you to decide ahead of time that you don't think you'd do a good enough job parenting to have a child. There are too many people in the world whose parents should have considered what they were doing more carefully ahead of time.
Raven,
Your relationship with your son sounds wonderful. Your post made me wonder, though, if you think telling your son you don't want to read certain material is dishonest? Or were you just focusing on honesty as an important part of parenting (which it is)? I think I mentioned in an above post that my mother told me not to read Forever by Judy Blume because "they talk about intercourse" (her words). That was honest, but I read it anyway. I was about 12, and looking back I can see why she'd have felt "freaked out" at the thought of my reading it, but I don't think I was really too young. However, if my 9-year old wanted to read it because she had read other books by Blume that are appropriate for 4th graders, I would not want her to be reading descriptions of the 17-year old narrator having sex with her boyfriend. I would honestly tell my daughter why I didn't want her to read it, why I thought she should be older, and tell her that I would not have a problem with her reading it in a few years.
Chewbecca-- I wanted to say that it is pretty insightful of you to decide ahead of time that you don't think you'd do a good enough job parenting to have a child. There are too many people in the world whose parents should have considered what they were doing more carefully ahead of time.
RaVeN said:
RAven, You are a GREAT father! (usually I do not like to make judgemental statement. but I was impressed). Be proud of yourself!
. I got to know that not all the men knew how to expresse their true feelings. They hided.
It is interesting to notice that a hug can embarrase a father and son, or even between male friends..
VTChEwbecca
kickbox
M&O said:
I think about every future possibility a lot and then consider my ability to handle such situations. It upsets my mother to hear I have no plans for children, but at least she doesn't pester me, like some mothers do. I agree there are some other people who certainly should've thought a bit more about the whole parenting thing ahead of time.
RaVeN
New Member
In response to your question M&O,
My point is, I would never have told my son that I don't want him reading any book in particular. I may have questioned his motives or gave him an additional point of view on the subject, but to tell him he wasn't allowed to see this or that just never happened.
You refered to a book that you said your Mother told you not to read and yet you read it anyway. It's kind of like the forbidden button. Tell your child not to push it and what will happen as soon as you leave the room? It's just human nature to be curious (thank goodness). Wouldn't it have been better at the time if you could have read it and asked your Mother questions along the way?
As you suggested, telling my son that I didn't want him to read something may not have been dishonest, but in my opinion it would have been irresponsible. This may be wandering off the point here, but it's like telling my son never to have sex. HELLO....It's going to happen. All you can do is give them the best available knowledge on the sunbject and guide them along the way.
I'm not saying you should push anything down their throats, but to shove it in a dark corner and pretend it will go away on it's own is not the answer. Sit down with them, ask questions of each other.You'll be surprised how much you can learn about the world from a child, and if you're lucky, you'll have taught them something more imporant than the contents of Judy Blume's book.
RaVeN
PS- thank you for the kind comments from others. They aren't deserving but you made an old Dad a little warm inside anyway.
My point is, I would never have told my son that I don't want him reading any book in particular. I may have questioned his motives or gave him an additional point of view on the subject, but to tell him he wasn't allowed to see this or that just never happened.
You refered to a book that you said your Mother told you not to read and yet you read it anyway. It's kind of like the forbidden button. Tell your child not to push it and what will happen as soon as you leave the room? It's just human nature to be curious (thank goodness). Wouldn't it have been better at the time if you could have read it and asked your Mother questions along the way?
As you suggested, telling my son that I didn't want him to read something may not have been dishonest, but in my opinion it would have been irresponsible. This may be wandering off the point here, but it's like telling my son never to have sex. HELLO....It's going to happen. All you can do is give them the best available knowledge on the sunbject and guide them along the way.
I'm not saying you should push anything down their throats, but to shove it in a dark corner and pretend it will go away on it's own is not the answer. Sit down with them, ask questions of each other.You'll be surprised how much you can learn about the world from a child, and if you're lucky, you'll have taught them something more imporant than the contents of Judy Blume's book.
RaVeN
PS- thank you for the kind comments from others. They aren't deserving but you made an old Dad a little warm inside anyway.
M&O
New Member
.
Raven,
You are right that to a certain point my own story proves your point-- all she accomplished by telling me not to read it was give me a reason to sneak around. I think your point about being honest-- and therefore making yourself approachable-- is a good one. Going back to personal experience, I know my mother would want to think I could tell her anything-- but I can't, and things like that story (making it quite clear that the book was off-limits and that she was uncomfortable even thinking about it) have a lot to do with it. I'm probably taking this too seriously. I guess I was just looking for an extreme where I could make it obvious that setting limits on reading material can be appropriate at times.
And I'm not too sure those kind words were undeserved. It is obvious that you are very intentional about being a father and put a lot of thought into what is best for your son, not just what is easiest for you.
Raven,
You are right that to a certain point my own story proves your point-- all she accomplished by telling me not to read it was give me a reason to sneak around. I think your point about being honest-- and therefore making yourself approachable-- is a good one. Going back to personal experience, I know my mother would want to think I could tell her anything-- but I can't, and things like that story (making it quite clear that the book was off-limits and that she was uncomfortable even thinking about it) have a lot to do with it. I'm probably taking this too seriously. I guess I was just looking for an extreme where I could make it obvious that setting limits on reading material can be appropriate at times.
And I'm not too sure those kind words were undeserved. It is obvious that you are very intentional about being a father and put a lot of thought into what is best for your son, not just what is easiest for you.
I've been reading since... forever... and no-ones ever told me not to read a certain book... in fact the only interest my parents take in my reading is asking for books to borrow
I'm not intending on having children, however if I did I think I'd be more likely to sit them down and force them to read all sorts of highly inappropriate matter mwahaha. Censorship is such a bizarre concept to me... are there places where books are still banned?
I'm not intending on having children, however if I did I think I'd be more likely to sit them down and force them to read all sorts of highly inappropriate matter mwahaha. Censorship is such a bizarre concept to me... are there places where books are still banned?