Joke Of The Day

[Libra]

elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - “Doctor, I don’t know what the problem is, but I’ve been farting all the time. It’s not really a problem socially because they don’t make any noise and don’t smell. I just can’t stop farting all the time. In fact, since I’ve been standing here I must have farted at least 20 times.”

“No kidding…” says the doctor with a bit of an upturned nose. The doc says “I’ve got just the stuff.” and gives her some pills. “Here take these for 10 days, then return for a followup appointment.”

So she takes the pills and returns 10 later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. “What kind of medicine is this? I’m still farting just as much! They still don’t make any noise, but now they stink terribly!”

The doctor nodded, “Great, now that we’ve your sinuses cleared up, we’ll work on your hearing next!”

 

[bridgetjones]

ha i like that one, very quirky!!!

 

[helgi]

ha i like that one, very quirky!!!

oooooooooooooooooooo indeeeeeed! How delisciously tabooooooooooooo

 

[Libra]

oooooooooooooooooooo indeeeeeed! How delisciously tabooooooooooooo

 

[helgi]

good questions

 

[Libra]

good questions

stupid question cause you don't know the answer.

 

[helgi]

stupid question cause you don't know the answer.

I can read between the question marks.

 

[Libra]

I can read between the question marks.

and what does it say?

 

[helgi]

and what does it say?

?que tonterias esta el diciendo?

 

[Libra]

Me alegro usted puede leer entre las líneas!

 

[helgi]

reading between the lines is easy on the eyes ;-)

 

[Libra]

When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

 

[Libra]

WHY

do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.

If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... its male indifference.

If you cry . .. you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bas****. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.

If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you aren't ... you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Why do men die first? Because they want to.

 

[marlene_knickle]

WHY

do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.

If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... its male indifference.

If you cry . .. you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bas****. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination.

If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you aren't ... you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Why do men die first? Because they want to.

Oh good God, this had me in stitches! And I'm at the office--not good! So true this one. Thank you for brightening up my day!