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JOKE: Short and very silly
- Thread starter Wabbit
- Start date
Q: What is the difference between erotic and psychotic?
A: Erotic is when you rub your lover's body with a feather. Psychotic is when you use the whole damn chicken!
Q: If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you:
(1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?
A: To keep from sinking in the hot chocolate silly!
Q: What happens when you throw your clock out the window?
A: Time flies.
Q: What is small and wobbly and sits in a pram?
A: A jelly baby.
MMMMM childish
leckert
New Member
How a taco is better than a woman:
A taco doesn't care how many tacos you have had before.
A taco doesn't care if you watch TV and drink a beer while you eat it.
A taco doesn't care what time of the month it is.
A taco cannot have a headache.
A taco doesn't care if your friends watch you eat it, or if you put the video on the internet.
A taco doesn't care if you eat it in the backseat of your car, in the kitchen, the living room, or even on a street corner.
A taco doesn't care how fast or slow you eat it.
A taco won't pull your hair while you eat it.
You can put anything you want in a taco.
A taco doesn't care if you decide to eat something else for a while.
finally:
When you are done with a taco, it doesn't take half you stuff!
A taco doesn't care how many tacos you have had before.
A taco doesn't care if you watch TV and drink a beer while you eat it.
A taco doesn't care what time of the month it is.
A taco cannot have a headache.
A taco doesn't care if your friends watch you eat it, or if you put the video on the internet.
A taco doesn't care if you eat it in the backseat of your car, in the kitchen, the living room, or even on a street corner.
A taco doesn't care how fast or slow you eat it.
A taco won't pull your hair while you eat it.
You can put anything you want in a taco.
A taco doesn't care if you decide to eat something else for a while.
finally:
When you are done with a taco, it doesn't take half you stuff!
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
That's it!
one last one for the kiddies
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted several times.
That's it!
one last one for the kiddies
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
Ronny
Well-Known Member
Signs that make you go, hmmm?
1. In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
2. In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
3. In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
4. In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR ...FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
5. In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
6. Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
7. Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
8. Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
9. Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
10. Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
11. On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
1. In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
2. In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
3. In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
4. In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR ...FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
5. In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
6. Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
7. Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
8. Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
9. Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
10. Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
11. On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Kenny Shovel
Active Member
Its not short and its not a joke but funny all the same:
http://mbaz.gbeirne.co.uk/ipb/index.php?showtopic=2862
http://mbaz.gbeirne.co.uk/ipb/index.php?showtopic=2862
Ronny
Well-Known Member
Bill and The Plane...
Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word its 50 dollars." Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word its 50 dollars." Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
Ronny
Well-Known Member
Off to the Zoo for You
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas attendant spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas attendant spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
Ronny
Well-Known Member
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!
bobbyburns
New Member
jesus christ that was vacuous.
bobbyburns
New Member
you're such a tool, leckert.