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The pussification of America

I think that it only scars children when the spanking is hard and overdone. My spankings were a few swats on the butt, but I think some people hit the child many, many times as hard as they can. No wonder kids who get that type of spanking have problems later on in life.
 
novella said:
There is always a way to correct behavior without harming a kid. Humiliating a kid on a regular basis is very damaging, and spanking, even lightly is a form of humiliation.

Apparently kids who get spanked throughout childhood:

suffer from depression
earn lower wages as adults
learn that hitting is a solution
learn that physical intimidation is power
learn to hide bad behavior rather than correct it
are prone to drug and alcohol abuse and antisocial behavior

This applies equally to 'nonabusive' spanking, because even if you don't physically hurt the kid, you are not providing an alternative 'correct' behavior, you are just humiliating, embarrassing, and psychologically asserting your power over the kid.
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My comments were directed towards any type of punishment. I agree with you that after a certain age spanking is more harmful than helpful.

Humiliation destroys self image and confidence. These two qualities are vital to success later in life.

Our children will have enough to talk to their shrinks about, why add dysfuntional parenting to the list!?
 
leckert said:
My comments were directed towards any type of punishment. I agree with you that after a certain age spanking is more harmful than helpful.

Humiliation destroys self image and confidence. These two qualities are vital to success later in life.

Our children will have enough to talk to their shrinks about, why add dysfuntional parenting to the list!?
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Indeed, I read somewhere in an interview with a child psychologist that the parents who bring their 4 year old to the supermarket and while there asks him what he'd like for dinner actually stresses him about as much as 6 hours' overtime does to an adult. He is being asked to make a decision on a level far far too complicated for him and this might just end up making the kid feel inadequate.

Hence my full agreement with those who said that kids whould not be treated like little adults.

The psychologist said that if a parent wanted to give little Peter that sense of being important enough to decide what the family should have for dinner - then give him two or three options to choose from.

Makes much sense to me.

Hence also my belief that trying to tell a kid how chocolate is fattening and not good for your body and yada yada about heart diseases etc is useless because it moves too far beyond the reference frames of the child, but telling the kid that mommy will be upset and very sad if you don't have appetite for the dinner she spends time cooking should (I hope) work better because all children knows the feeling of disappointment and such.

There are some things children will understand and some things they won't.

I'm a music teacher. I teach the recorder. I have some students aged 7 and I have some aged 37. There's a world of difference between how I explain the same technical things to those pupils. With the adults it's okay if I include a brief explanation about sound waves and what dissonances are and how they come to be, but with children I simply have to make it clear how they avoid the bumblebees in the music (that's when the dissonances causes us to register the sounds as a buzzing noise in our ear)

Same principle: Talking to a mathamatician I'm not going to assume he knows the terminology of Literature analysis - in return I expect him to bear with my lack of knowledge in mathematics when telling me something.

It's all about adjusting our explanation to people's (or children's) reference frames.
 
Jemima Aslana said:
Hence my full agreement with those who said that kids whould not be treated like little adults.
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In fairness to Moto, he said like little "people", not adults.

and Welcome, Jemima! I see you are fairly new here, and I am enjoying your participation in a couple of different threads! Way to jump in with both feet!

That's what I did, and I have made some virtual friends in doing so!

bravo!
 
Actually I said little human beings....but that's a bit nit-picky ain't it?????

I never said little adults...but I figured maybe she was talking about other "people" and not me.....it's not always about me.... :D
 
leckert said:
In fairness to Moto, he said like little "people", not adults.
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Someone adjusted it to little adults sometime later - hence I did not direct it at Moto ;)

and Welcome, Jemima! I see you are fairly new here, and I am enjoying your participation in a couple of different threads! Way to jump in with both feet!

That's what I did, and I have made some virtual friends in doing so!

bravo!
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Heh, jumping in like that is what I do. Having spent way too much time online for some years now I've gotten used to 'foruming'. And while being quiet in a corner might still get you some looks IRL it won't online.

So here's to jumping right in!

Actually I registered here a long long time ago - a year or so, I think. But didn't really have time to get into a new community, so I've been lurking for quite some time now :p
 
Jemima Aslana said:
Someone adjusted it to little adults sometime later - hence I did not direct it at Moto ;)


Heh, jumping in like that is what I do. Having spent way too much time online for some years now I've gotten used to 'foruming'. And while being quiet in a corner might still get you some looks IRL it won't online.

So here's to jumping right in!

Actually I registered here a long long time ago - a year or so, I think. But didn't really have time to get into a new community, so I've been lurking for quite some time now :p
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My mistake, on a couple of points.

I saw "August", and read "2005". Sorry, Jemima.

And, Moto, I would have sworn there was a post from you wherein you said "little people", then it was twisted into "adults". I just didn't want folks to continue to misquote you.

EDIT: and how can it possibly "always be about you" when everyone knows, it's always about me! :D
 
don't worry about me being misquoted leckert....as the bastard child of TBF I can handle it.....

(should we point Jemima towards the farting thread....or wait a bit longer...)
 
Motokid said:
(should we point Jemima towards the farting thread....or wait a bit longer...)
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I think that one is better enjoyed when stumbled upon!

Kind of like a shart, you know? You aren't expecting it, but there it is!

:D
 
leckert said:
Does anyone else think that we are turning our children into hyper-sensitive cream puffs?
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I've been saying so for years - perhaps in another 50 the rest of the nation will catch up and something will change.

I was bitching the other day that I'm required to provide stickers to the preschool so that my son can visibly see how well he's performing. Every kid is going to get a sticker for everything they do - I've seen this with my other kids. I'm NOT buying the stickers. First off, I don't think children need to be praised for every little thing they do. It sets a really bad precedent - we are breeding a need for constant reward which isn't realistic. Secondly, my son doesn't give a piss about stickers. He's not impressed by them and it won't mean jack diddly squat to him. Thirdly this type of BS brainwashing creates a huge dilemma for parents that don't parent along these lines. And I'm not about to raise a child that can't handle being told that they are wrong, that they are not perfect, that they are not suited to their every dream. My child will know that we ALL have failings and limitations and there's NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
 
Oh Renee, you must really fit in! :D
The Power be with you!

It really is hard enough trying to raise children, without having to take on the whole school system and all the other parents with standards not like yours. One really can get the feeling of losing control.
My sympathies are really with you,
And all my best wishes,
Peder
 
leckert said:
Does anyone else think that we are turning our children into hyper-sensitive cream puffs?
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Yes. I'm in the UK and it's just as bad here. Most days in the paper you read about some children's pastime being banned because it's too dangerous for the little darlings - conkers is the example that springs to mind first. (For our non-British readers, I'd better explain that conkers involves taking the fruit of the horse-chestnut tree, sometimes cooking them in the oven to make them super hard, suspending them from a string and then having matches with a mate where you try to smash each other's conker - last conker remaining wins!)

When I think back to my childhood (and no, I'm not thinking that far back, thank you :p ), our free time was spent playing round and about: exploring the jungle (OK, the shrubberies around our estate), scavenging for the materials and then making dens, swinging on rope swings, cycling without a safety helmet (though I think these are a good idea), climbing trees, camping out in our back gardens, whizzing down the icy road on old plastic sacks, attempting to make go-karts and hiking to nearby villages without an adult in tow. (Suddenly realises how much of a tomboy I was - :eek: ).

Now, children are scared to even play in their gardens - I spoke to one 8 year old girl who wouldn't play in her front garden in case a bad man came for her. All very sad. :( Kids today have nowhere near as much freedom as I had, in the same way that I suppose I didn't have as much freedom as my parents did when they were young. Are there really more paedophiles around? Or is it just that we hear about it a lot more, when in the past it was probably hushed up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not advocating that six year olds should be roaming about without their parents knowing where they are, but it just seems sad that they now have little freedom to explore and use their imagination like we used to. Maybe all this is slightly off-topic, but I wanted to get it off my chest.

(By the by, did anyone see that recent report about the 50 things you should have done by the time you were 10? It included things such as making dens - I was pleased to see that I had done over 30 of them! I wonder how many the kids of today will manage to do?)
 
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