violence vs. sex & children

[honeydevil]

Moto and Jenn--
I have two boys and two girls. And they are very different to raise. I think it is mostly a social aspect. I have the task of teaching my boys to respect girls while teaching my girls to stand up for themselves, while the world tells them the opposite.

you earned my full respect!! i think i will go and sit in the corner for the next few hours!!
take care

 

[cajunmama]

The girls are 10 and 7, the boys are 5 and (about to be) 2. Yes, I am a very busy person, have you read my profile? I'll sleep when I'm dead! My house is a zoo, I am a horrible housekeeper, but I love my life. The forum and my hobbies are what help keep me sane.

 

[honeydevil]

i wonder, what do others think, are girls more difficult to raise, or is it that we are more comfortable with the "idea" that boys can take care of themselves?(this is a question, not my opinion)

i really have no idea, i don't think any child is easy to raise, specially because everybody is different and when you have a dominant girl you don't have to worry as much about her as about a sensitive boy!!
i just can say, everybody who has children is a personal hero! later you can give me advice!! i come back to you!!

 

[Motokid]

"everybody who has children is a personal hero"

Glad to know some people think that way. I get quite a laugh when listening to people who don't have kids talking about how busy their lives are, and how they don't have any spare time, and "how they'd raise kids if they had them".

There's nothing like multiple kids to put "spare" time into perspective.

Without a doubt, trying to be the best parent you can be is the most difficult, and underrated job on the planet.

It can also be the most rewarding.

 

[Motokid]

I am getting constant reminders of this question as my oldest gets more and more interested in older/adult movies, books, television, music....life.....

I think it's way easier to explain sensless violence then to explain why almost every single media-based, adult-oriented activity seems to revolve around sex and promiscuity (spelling?).

Does complete immersion in anything set up a desire to take part, or does it make the act seem bland and run of the mill? Are we as parents more likely to talk about sex with our kids because it's everywhere in the media, or does it get overlooked because it's everywhere?

 

[SFG75]

Do you think it's more harmful to children to be barraged with images of sex, or violence?

Television, movies,video games, the internet, books and music are all getting more graphic on both fronts. Which one would you prefer your child to be exposed to? Or should there be more censorship on both fronts?

Which one would you be more concerned about if you knew your child had access to it on a daily basis?

Apologies if this has been discussed at length in another thread.

To me, it isn't if they are exposed to it, it's more about whether or not the exposure is appropriate at their given age or time. with two littles ones under the age of two-my wife and I will not watch horror movies that we rent until they're asleep. I believe that we would "lighten up" so to speak as they got older to a certain extent. Perhaps allowing "R" movies and that kind of thing-but holding off of the "natural born killers" type of movie which is more excessive than most "R" movies. A lot of it has to do with educating your children and using given scenes as teaching moments and what not. Very complex issue-I could tell you how to do a particular dance, but it's nothing like actually having to do it. Same thing goes with parenting.

 

[novella]

What books and movies are you talking about exactly, Moto? I thought you were Mr. Censorship. Is something awry in Mudville?

 

[novella]

BTW, I find it much easier to explain sex in the media than to explain why people find graphic violence entertaining. My 15 year old boy understands that humans were made to have sex, that it's one of the driving forces of nature, that it has universal appeal at some level, and that it can be portrayed as either healthy or purient and obscene.

Graphic violence as entertainment, however, is not easy for me to explain. How exactly do you do that?

 

[Motokid]

Just about every movie commercial that comes on tv is something she wants to see....and music....sheeesh....don't get me started on MTV....VH1 has started to take on a Jerry Springer type atmosphere.....Reality shows...prime time sitcoms are now loaded with every brand of inuendo and not-so-inuendo....sex especially just seems to be flowing from every source of media....

....but none of the potential hazards or pitfalls of sex are every really shown.


Club a baby seal to death and the dead, bloody body is the reminder of why that's not right....have sex with every living human, male or female, and never get pregnant or get a desease and always show it in a positive, friendly, normal lifestyle habit, and it gets harder to explain why that's not the way everybody lives or should live.

 

[sirmyk]

Graphic violence as entertainment, however, is not easy for me to explain. How exactly do you do that?

Like sex, violence is one of those little nature thingies we are all born with. We like sex; we like violence. But there are lines which must not be crossed with either of these. You can explain that violence in the entertainment industry (I'm guessing you mean movies, television, etc.) is simply stimulating eye-candy. Watching cars blow up and kung fu heroes kicking ass is fun, but you have to observe that dangerous line when subjects such as domestic violence and spousal abuse come into play.

Club a baby seal to death and the dead, bloody body is the reminder of why that's not right....have sex with every living human, male or female, and never get pregnant or get a desease and always show it in a positive, friendly, normal lifestyle habit, and it gets harder to explain why that's not the way everybody lives or should live.

Here's that line again.

 

[novella]

Like sex, violence is one of those little nature thingies we are all born with. We like sex; we like violence.


.

I strongly disagree. Graphic violence, whether visual or written, makes me upset, depressed, unhappy, anxious. I can't stand it. Of course, as in life, it is an intrinsic part of some tragic narratives, historical and not, but I truly don't understand glorifying pain and death as entertainment.

 

[sirmyk]

I strongly disagree. Graphic violence, whether visual or written, makes me upset, depressed, unhappy, anxious. I can't stand it. Of course, as in life, it is an intrinsic part of some tragic narratives, historical and not, but I truly don't understand glorifying pain and death as entertainment.

I'm guessing you didn't much care for the Kill Bill movies, then. What about Shakespeare tragedies and such where violence is placed strategically to tell a much lovelier story?

Overcoming violence is a theme regularly found in my works.

 

[Motokid]

I would say that violence is just as natural a part of humanity as sex is....

man's violence towards man and nature goes hand in hand with man's general existance...

 

[Motokid]

to me..it seems much easier to explain why it's wrong to put a gun to somebodies head and pull the trigger, then it is to explain why it's wrong for me to sleep with the totally hot teacher at my daughters school.

Guns kill....sex is just plain fun and exciting and adult and romantic and everybodies doin' it.....and what's the harm....

 

[Kookamoor]

Club a baby seal to death and the dead, bloody body is the reminder of why that's not right....have sex with every living human, male or female, and never get pregnant or get a desease and always show it in a positive, friendly, normal lifestyle habit, and it gets harder to explain why that's not the way everybody lives or should live.

Great point, moto.

I don't know what the answer is - maybe a reality tv show about a guy dying of AIDs, or a gameshow where people battle to see how many random partners they can have sex with before they end up pregnant, with an STD or both.

The scary thing is, I'm not sure whether this wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

[Motokid]

Great point, moto.

Thanx...we're not always on the same page...so when we do agree, it's a warm and fuzzy for me....

 

[novella]

to me..it seems much easier to explain why it's wrong to put a gun to somebodies head and pull the trigger, then it is to explain why it's wrong for me to sleep with the totally hot teacher at my daughters school.

Guns kill....sex is just plain fun and exciting and adult and romantic and everybodies doin' it.....and what's the harm....

Okay, maybe I have the wrong end of the stick here. It sounds like you are trying to find a way to explain why having sex may be bad in some cases in real life. That's a different thing from censoring what your kid is watching. To me it's common sense. If a person in a movie I'm watching with my kid is having an adulterous affair, I say, "He is a bad man." That's not so hard, is it?

If my kid is watching something in which teenagers have sex, usually there are some bad consequences for the kids in the show, e.g., unwanted pregnancy, rejection, diseases. Ridgemont High is a perfect example.

But I will not let him watch Reservoir Dogs, The Bad Lieutenant, Natural Born Killers, Kill Bill, etc. because I think watching the glorification of stupid violence is really damaging to people.

 

[novella]

I'm guessing you didn't much care for the Kill Bill movies, then. What about Shakespeare tragedies and such where violence is placed strategically to tell a much lovelier story?

Overcoming violence is a theme regularly found in my works.

As I said below, sometimes violence is an intrinsic part of a tragic narrative. That's perfectly acceptable. I think Branagh's Henry V is one of the best movies ever made, and there's plenty of bloodshed, but you need the war scenes in order to understand the tragic context. The same can't be said for Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction.

 

[Kookamoor]

Thanx...we're not always on the same page...so when we do agree, it's a warm and fuzzy for me....

Aww! I'm planning to have kids someday too, Moto, and I'm going to be just as scared as you, I'm sure!

If my kid is watching something in which teenagers have sex, usually there are some bad consequences for the kids in the show, e.g., unwanted pregnancy, rejection, diseases. Ridgemont High is a perfect example.

Novella - yes, that's true. Traditionally there have been dire consequences for the promiscuous. But reality TV is presenting a different view that promiscuity is okay, and in fact even encourages it by showing these beautiful people being adored for the fact they'll strip down at the drop of a hat. While this is okay for discerning eyes who can discern what sex is about, what does it say to confused teenagers trying to work out all this stuff?

 

[mehastings]

I agree with Stewart and Novella. I don't have any kids, but I'm young and I was a kid recently. I look at how I was raised compared to how my friends were raised. My parents were divorced, my mom was pretty much on her own. My brothers and I didn't have a bed time, we went to bed when we were tired rather than when our parents were tired of us. We watched R rated movies with violence and sex while my mom was working. I feel that the fact that this stuff was normal for me made it less exciting and taboo. I don't care for weapons, I'm not violent, and to me, sex is sex. It's not something I ever engaged in unsafely because we were open about it in our house. Kids will come across that stuff one way or the other. If you make it run of the mill they are less likely to view it as something secret and rebellious.

where boys, should they marry, tend to go off with their wives families.

Probably because the wives don't want to deal with their husbands' meddling mothers.