Are you offended - really????

[jenn]

and at last the vet arrives to declare a dead horse.

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Say things like, "This is the way we have always ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
9. Comparing the state of dead horses in todays environment.
10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."
11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15. Do a Cost Analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position

 

[direstraits]

What's the difference between pissed-off and offended?

I was pissed off once but was never offended. Yes, I think there is a difference.

Believe it or not, I actually wrote this very question to be posted here, but then decided it was sleep time. Maybe you connected with me in this subconscious way and absorbed via brainwaves the essence of my question, and thus writing it down.

Hmmm... I would never have believed it!

ds

 

[Motokid]

Yes, to me pissed off is very different than offended.

Offended to me is inner pain, or inner hurt. Something that lasts longer than a minute of two. Something that causes me to feel like crap over time, not just the moment.

Pissed off, or anger can wash over, then wash off me in a hurry.

edit:

I believe that most threads that get closed are closed because people are reacting in anger, not offense. They are simply pissed at the direction a thread, and the overall tone are going. I find it hard to believe that anything stated in a forum can effect a persons general demeaner in the outside world.

 

[Martin]

I find it hard to believe that anything stated in a forum can effect a persons general demeaner in the outside world.

Why? Is it really that hard to believe that there are people who react differently to things than you do?

Cheers

 

[direstraits]

Sometimes what's simply missing is common courtesy.

ds

 

[Martin]

That too - discussions, especially those political or religious in nature, can get heated, and courtesy and niceties can get thrown out of the window.

Most of us don't lose control of our emotions, I realise that, but some do. And that's the reality of it.

Cheers

 

[Motokid]

"Why? Is it really that hard to believe that there are people who react differently to things than you do?"

Yes, because I'm nothing special. I'm not overly intelligent, or abnormally bright or any of those things. I'm not well traveled or highly cultured. I'd be willing to bet that the majority here could outscore me on any IQ test. I've pretty much lived in this little cocoon of Delaware USA my whole life, but I do understand that if you don't like something you read, you have the choice to stop reading it. There's nothing mandatory about opening, reading, and participating in any thread in TBF. Go find a thread more to your liking and let the others enjoy their form of entertainment.

If you don't like a thread, find one you do like, or start your own. To me, that's as simple as it gets. And if it's that simple why let it get any more serious than that?

 

[Martin]

I take it you're not a deeply religious person.

Ok, just imagine that you are. And you know that in that thread right there on your screen several people are giving their opinions on that religion you so deeply believe in. Would you not open that thread?

I think not.

Cheers

 

[Halo]

... but I do understand that if you don't like something you read, you have the choice to stop reading it.

But in order to decide you don't like something, you have already read it and already been offended, e.g. if someone has insulted you, it's too late - you've already read it.

I do take your point about choosing not to participate in any thread that is not to your liking, but I also agree with what Martin said about feeling compelled to put across your own point of view.

 

[Motokid]

Believe me, by being completely anti-organized religion, and completely not republican or democrat, I have heard plenty of comments and jokes that could offend. I was one of the 3% of Americans that voted for Ralph Nader.

I also grew up with blond hair (although it's gotten darker over the years), I married a blond beauty, and I have two blond daughters, so blond jokes could certainly offend if I chose to let them. But I chose different.

It's all in how you chose to percieve things. I refuse to let comments and opinions by people I don't know, in a mostly annonymous internet forum, cause me to loose sleep, or feel badly about myself or my opinions. I welcome the opportunity to experience other opinions, and know that there will be times when the opinions grind against each other. That's all part of the human experience. I believe it makes me a better person if I can struggle through a tough situation rather than "taking my ball and going home".

 

[Martin]

Yes, you do. And others don't. And that's what it boils down to.

I don't know what you're after, Moto - you will never ever find out what, in general, offends people, because there is no 'general' when you're talking about opinions and reactions. There is no average. All we mods try to do is 'protect' (for lack of a better word) the highest amount of people we can from being insulted by people who have yet to reach the 't' for 'tact' in the dictionary. And that's all there is to it.

We are all individuals, coming together here and discussing a wide range of subjects (ranging from the colour of a car to the meaning of life). People will clash, every now and again, there's no denying that. All we want is to limit those clashes to an absolute minimum.

I think I'm gonna pull out of this thread, because I feel like I'm answering the same questions over and over again. It goes without saying that no offense is intended with this remark.

By all means, proceed discussing this.

Live long and prosper.

Cheers

 

[hay82]

We are all individuals

I'm not.

like that sentence didn't scream for Life of Brian

 

[bobbyburns]

we'll try our best.

Live long and prosper.

 

[sanyuja]

...because there is no 'general' when you're talking about opinions and reactions.

This is exactly what I was trying to say, which I infact did!

 

[Motokid]

I'm not exactly sure what I am, or was looking for, but after thinking about it I did stumble into the questioning of the difference between being angry and being offended.

I was hoping maybe to turn the discussion in that direction in the last few posts, but I guess that's not happening either.

I understand there is probably no answer. I just thought is might be a cool discussion to have, but if people are done with it, so be it. Let the pig die and move on. Jenn already declared it dead once, but the f'n thing still seems to be kicking a bit.

I have noticed that the number of views of this particular thread are quite high, but the actual people who've posted is relatively small in comparison.

So maybe members will check-up there feelings a bit the next time some thread tickles the wrong funny bone and simply chose to ignore that thread rather than try to close it.

 

[Sergo]

Really, you can kill me, but I cannot understand why it is not right to discuss political or religious matters here. OK, OK, the rules say so.
But these matters are discussed here just the same - because if we decided not to mention any tiny subject that could be in any shady way associated with religious or political things - we would have castrated this forum and it will duly die of boredom.

So, what is not good and not right to do here or elsewhere - to try to offend on reason somebody. But so far as I understand that could be done as easily over anything else - over books, looks, names, films, actresses, icecreams, funerals, schools... One would earlier run out of English words than name everything that could be turned to offence in the knowing (and maybe more - in unknowing) hands.

But, of course, it is only my HUMBLE opinion, and the rules are rules. Period.

 

[lorrekarloff]

I have tried to stay away from any 'controversial' threads, since the last one I was in got locked. Although I mostly understand why it was shut down, I didn't like the feeling of being cut off in the middle of a coversation/debate.

It is always interesting to me to discuss a 'hot' topic with someone in the opposite corner-even if it gets a little heated or annoying. I don't think I brought up religion or politics in any of my responses-but after a comment made by someone who I haven't seen here since, the thread was locked.

Thats OK though, there's plenty of other things to talk about anyway, and I'm not leaving-I like it here. Thanks for all the interesting conversation and information!

 

[Motokid]

"I have tried to stay away from any 'controversial' threads, since the last one I was in got locked."

From what I can gather unless you, or somebody complains most threads are left open, so I don't think you need to stay away from anything. I enjoy the back-n-forth we have on occasions.

And if you do commit some kind of "forum sin" you are pm'd, and warned to stop at least once before a thread wil be closed.

So don't feel the need to stay away. Join in.

By the way, do you think people are angry or offended when they complain about a thread? And is there a difference between the two emotions?

 

[lorrekarloff]

By the way, do you think people are angry or offended when they complain about a thread? And is there a difference between the two emotions?

I think if someone goes so far as to post a complaint about a thread, then they are probably offended, and taking it very personally, but to me that seems like taking it a bit too far. I could never see myself doing that. It seems more courteous to just back out of the conversation than to ruin it for the others involved.

Anger, I think comes and goes quicker, and doesn't seem to involve feeling hurt or picked on.

 

[Sergo]

[....By the way, do you think people are angry or offended when they complain about a thread? And is there a difference between the two emotions?

Anger... That's when I have been told last week by my Finnish WH manager that ten pallets of Toshiba notebooks were loaded in the truck I expect to arrive soon, I have already told the customer he can come and pick them tomorrow, and then the manager calls and tells me all of a sudden that she forgot to have these pallets loaded, so they sit still in Helsinki. Then when I know that I do not have enough goods in Finland to load another truck, and due to their strike.... pfui, that's anger.

And when you come home to find your wife in bed with your own stupid gardener, whom you have fired last week after he mowed off your cactuses fifth time in a row, and she says that you had never done her a good thing, and this swine is the one who perfectly understands her, - that's offence.

By the way, I had never experienced the latter situation yet, just composed it to illustrate my feelings.