Defined by our job

[jenn]

this is were i get confused with this whole judging thing. what do we mean by judging? when i ask someone what do you do, i am like direstraits, i am curious about how they came to do this. where did they go to school, did they like that experiance, and on and on. it opens a window for a whole world of conversation. if you asked me what i do, i would say stay at home mom, which would seem like the end of the conversation, but my road to getting here has been interesting.
on another thread jenem mentions that she sells newsprint, is not really thrilled about it, but wants to be an archeologist. novella gave her some brilliant advice about volunteering at digs, and i commiserated with her about wierd or sucky jobs. this was an interesting bit of information about jenem and i hope she finds what she's looking for. i don't think she is dull or wierd because of her work, i just think she is like many people making a stop along her way.
i guess this means i don't judge people by their occupation and that is the reason i am confused about all the talk of judging.
asking someone what they do to me, is just informative. it is in the same catagory as what's your favourite book or movie, do you like japanese food, have you ever travelled? it's just with this question you are almost certain to get some kind of answer as most people do something, anything with their day, be it work or school or kids etc.

 

[funes]

I guess the judgmental aspect of this is a mater of context, or the company one keeps. Usually, though, I suspect that a person who follows "Hi. How are you?" with "What do you do?" is the kind of person who reacts with either shock or pity if your answer is running a register in a convenience store, or stocking shelves in a supermarket.
I am also perfectly willing to admit that a part of sensitivity in this regard is rooted in personal insecurity. But, a lot of it, too, is rooted in having gone to school (especially college) with a lot of wealthy, FBLA-type kids.

 

[Motokid]

Does "judging" somebody always have to have a negative meaning?

Why can't judging somebody mean that you find respect for them based on your judgment?

You like them based on judgment. You find them interesting, smart, pretty, cool, easygoing, friendly and/or just plain old fun to be around by judging them in some way shape or form.

 

[funes]

Does "judging" somebody always have to have a negative meaning?

Not at all. Nearly everyone uses some sort of judgment in assessing people they meet. It's just that not everyone does so responsibly. Admittedly, basing that judgment on someone's job wouldn't be as irresponsible as, say, basing it on the color of their skin, but it is still problematic. And, it would be a different story if, say, my job was selling crack or stealing cars.
It's just that I had a lot of conversations when I was younger which ended very abruptly after I answered "I work in a freezer." (I did at the time.) I suppose that if my interlocutors had followed it up with "How interesting." or even "How cold is it?" I might have a different opinion on the subject.

 

[Motokid]

Well....I'm stumped. What do you mean you worked in a freezer? Were you in the frozen food business? A meat locker? Cryogenics? Liquid Nitrogen? Some kind of testing of artic clothing?

 

[funes]

Actually, I worked in a grocery store stocking their frozen foods, and so spent about 2/3 of every working day in a large walk-in freezer where the ambient was -8 Fahrenheit. Saying that I worked in a freezer seemed more interesting, to me, than saying that I worked in a grocery store. But, even that concession to the "What do you do?" crowd rarely spurred any interest.

But, really, this isn't that big of a deal. I mean, if somebody today asks me "What do you do?" in the same context, I don't get angry or resentful. It just pushes my opinion of them a little towards the negative.

 

[hay82]

But, really, this isn't that big of a deal. I mean, if somebody today asks me "What do you do?" in the same context, I don't get angry or resentful. It just pushes my opinion of them a little towards the negative.

I can't really understand that. Asking people what they do is a way of starting a conversation or keeping it going. Trying to find your ground before you try out more personal stuff.
Isn't it better to ask what a person does for a living, than asking about how many times he has been dumped and why.

 

[Motokid]

Some of this is interesting. Think of some of the questions you get asked in a job interview. Some of them have absolutely nothing to do with the job you've applied for. They are designed to let the interviewer observe your response, and how you respond.

From a general getting to know you stance if I ask a simple question like what do you do for your job and I observe you getting annoyed with the question, I'll form an opinion that maybe your too uptight for me to spend much more time with. It might cut off furthor attempts to get to know more.

What's your job is a very simple question that does not probe too deeply into your personal life or privacy. Would you prefer people start off conversations like how much do you weigh? Are you gay? What religion are you? What political line do you follow?

To me it's kind of a light question that allows an opening for people to give as much as they'd like to give without being too personal.

Sorry for repeating pretty much exactly what Hay82 just said. Just my spin on it.

 

[cajunmama]

Some people have a job.
Some people have a career.
Some people have a calling.
I wish I was one of the lucky ones that have a true calling. My sister is one of those called to a profession. She is a teacher and she loves it. She enjoys her summer off to spend time with her kids, but she always looks forward to the beginning of the new school year. Her job defines her. She is a teacher. She's eight years older than me, and has been more like a mother to me, really. She taught me to read at three years old. She taught me how to use a sewing machine, leading to my passion for quiltmaking. She taught me, through example, how to be an adult. If you would ask her, "What do you do?" She'd tell you, "I am a middle school science and math teacher." And all the impressions you get from that one statement would be correct. She is very intelligent, has an enormous amount of patience, and loves kids.

Mostly, asking What do you do?, is a topic for continuing a conversation with someone you've just met. If what you do turns someone away immediately, then you are better off not assiciating with them anyway. When I ask that question, I usually follow with Do you like it? then Why or why not? Sometimes I follow with, wow that's interesting, tell me more.

 

[funes]

For me, so much of this depends on the context of the question. So often, these days, "Hi. How are you?" has become a meaningless form of greeting, so if the very next question is "What do you do for a living?" I have to assume that the answer must be important to the person who is asking. I mean, important to them as a way of pigeon-holing me. That doesn't make them a "bad" person in my eyes. I just start to think that I might not have much to talk to this person about.
If it's the third or fourth question, it's fine. Personally, I prefer something like "How was your day?".
Even now, having graduated from my stint in the freezer, I sometimes bridle at the question because the short answer may seem terse and unfriendly, while the long answer tends to be very long, indeed.
In any event, I my standard response to "Can I ask you a question?" is always "You can ask me anything, but you may or may not get an answer."

 

[Geenh]

Interestingly enough, he who drives the big red over-powered car that's parked in the driveway and I had a idscussion today that has merit here.

I said that depending on the choices our daughter makes that if she isn't a financial concern come June, I want to switch jobs. I want to work in a bookstore. His answer to this was "Why would you quit a job where you have educated yourself in extensively, have a career in and get paid well for to work in a petrol station?" (HE said petrol station, I said bookstore). This goes to show you that he thinks that a job defines you.

I don't really care, to be honest. I know HE lis proud of the fact that he's (what step mother Mach 2 and 1/2 called) Big Man On Campus. He's a highly successful manager and I suppose he feels the need for his wife to show an equal dedication to a career. I don't live to work, I work to live and if I can survive in the way I want to by selling used books, than that's a successful enough career for me.

Everyone is different. It'd be a boring world if we were all the same.

 

[jenn]

so for those who prefer not to be asked the question, what do you do, initially or at all, what do you suggest for the opening question? you've just met me in real life, exchanged hello's, nice to meet you's, how are you doing's, fine thank you.....what is the next question?

 

[direstraits]

Interestingly enough, he who drives the big red over-powered car that's parked in the driveway and I had a idscussion today that has merit here.

Oh course, when such a thing is posted, the most relevant question to follow-up with is: what big red over-powered car that's parked in the driveway are we talking about here?


ds

 

[Geenh]

It's a 2004 Holden Commodore VY series 2, SV8, 5.7 litre, 242 kilowatts with tinted windows, chrome exhaust, 17 inch low profile tyres and 4-speed auto (he just yelled the specs up the stairs).

He obsessedly washes it and is constantly screaming about the "goddamned bird shit AGAIN!". It's his mid-life crisis.

 

[Jenem]

my hubby is always fuming about the neighbourhood cats that walk across our cars. we have lowriders and the paint jobs are fantastic, so paw prints or claw scratches infuriate him. he freaks right out

 

[Geenh]

Yes, the one who changes his shirts rarely also hates cats, he calls them zoolers (long story!).

 

[jenn]

Yes, the one who changes his shirts rarely also hates cats, he calls them zoolers (long story!).

lol you need to keep a list or start a thread of your " the one who..." . they are a riot. my grampa always called my gram she who must be obeyed, but he never was as creative as you. i have been totally poaching them and the gals think they are a riot. my poor husband

 

[Geenh]

I am glad you like them.

In real life, I call him Scrawn and he calls me Beautiful. And then of course we bastardise them, make them into rap artist names like SkrahwnEe (the sixth Spice Girl of, course. He plays the triangle).

 

[Cathy C]

This is an interesting topic, because I've never really considered the question before. I guess that when I ask a person "what do you do" upon meeting them, I'm asking for parameters for our continued discussion. The direction small talk is going to take is often dependant on what a person does for a living. If I'm standing next to a person at a party and ask the question, and the response is something that I'm diametrically opposed to or have zero knowledge of (with no interest in learning), I'll stick with the weather for our conversation. I might respond "Oh, that's interesting! What do you do in your spare time?" (meaning: "I have no interest in your job. Tell me about something else.")

All talk with strangers is positioning. You're seeking common ground to stand on, in case you're stuck in the lift with him/her for the next ten hours. You're seeking a potential friend to share ideas, or even a potential lifemate. No "small talk" with strangers is "small." It's all for our own personal benefit and to satisfy our own curiosity. Why else talk to strangers?

So... Wabbit -- what do you do?

 

[jenn]

So... Wabbit -- what do you do?

i keep asking this, and no one answers. i am interested because i want to try new openers.

one i do use, as i am newer to this area is, are you originally from truro?