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marriage

J

jenn

New Member
i am married. happily. 8 years this june. a blip on the screen to some, eternity to others. we met when i was 12 and he was 14 and 11 years later, married. when asked why i wanted to get married i can't really say why. i just wanted to. it would have been just as easy for us to live together. religion and family opinion were never factors for us. we had all the ingrediants for a marriage minus the paperwork. love respect humour trust friendship. why the need for the ceremony? maybe i just wanted the white dress.
we have friends, a few years older than us, who recently divorced. this was a shock, especially to us, as we always looked at them and saw ourselves. very similar love story and personalities, and yet their marriage failed.

what defines marriage to you? do you believe in 50-60 years of marriage or is that an expectation of older generations that today is not as feasible? live together or move in after the honeymoon? i do or i won't?
 
Congrats on 8 years :) I'll see 6 months on the 21st (just a newbie).

If you had asked these questions 2 years ago I would have said "Marriage? No stinking way!" but it's funny how life flows.
I was divorced from my first husband after 3 years of an awful marriage and it left me thinking that it was all bunk. He literally became a different person after the wedding - demanding, controlling, all sorts of rubbish. Coming from a divorced house, I wanted more than anything to break that cycle in my family but once I found out he was having an affair that was the breaking point for me. Funny, I put up with the treatment until then. ugh.
Anyway, I was single for 6 years after that and never thought I'd tie the knot again. And then I met someone who somehow (despite some of his actions) made me think differently, who made me open myself up to the possibility of marriage (not so much love as green card). That didn't last but still I was open to it and that's when I met my husband. 11 months after meeting we married.
And you know what? I don't know why! I mean, I absolutely know we will spend our lives together but why the piece of paper? (He was married before too). I was very excited about sharing our love with our friends and family; I wanted very much to make them a part of our commitment to each other which I suppose is the purpose a wedding holds.
Maybe because after having some awful experiences we decided to make it legal, etc. Plus, the marital assets are important (medical decisions, etc).
I believe in the foundation of marriage- that 2 people who love each other devote their lives to each other and become their own family. I think that's important. But I'm not sure where the piece of paper comes in, except for the legal issues. (I also believe that family is not confined to man/woman partnerships. Family is love).

Eh, so all this rambling to say that I don't know really :rolleyes:
It's more of a feeling than a definition, and it is work to keep the day to day going, just as with anything that is day to day. But it's rewarding to know that there is someone you would do anything for and who would do the same for you :)
 
We Shape the Road With Our Feet

In the soft clay road
We retrace our footprints
Breathing hard up the hill
Not saying much,
Just me, just you.
The way we walk has grown similar
Our words cover the same thoughts,
Our close breath
From mouth to mouth in bed
Indistinguishable sometimes.

I did not mean for this to happen
But leaned toward you,
And you toward me
And we grew together like a tree.
What differences can there be.

One empty sigh opens a gate.
The magnolia bends in the wind
Its petals near to falling.

The Chinese say
In such love there is no argument.
We eat from the same pot
We sleep on the same pillow.
 
Yo, did someone give you a wedgie on the bus this morning or something?

Lay off my true love poem, ya big meanie. I thought it was cute.
 
What the hell does "jap" mean you studentous cretin?
Snurk is a word I only use when talking to absolute mongs. Therefore I save it for Rainbow-fucking-girl.
 
Billy Oblivion said:
What the hell does "jap" mean you studentous cretin?
Snurk is a word I only use when talking to absolute mongs. Therefore I save it for Rainbow-fucking-girl.
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oh...jap is just my german slang for yes!! and i'm a studentous cretin?? :cool:
 
Oh god! A german student living in the cradle of civilisation! And you want to have my children? I'd rather cut it off and flush it down the netty.
 
Billy Oblivion said:
Oh god! A german student living in the cradle of civilisation! And you want to have my children? I'd rather cut it off and flush it down the netty.
Click to expand...

i go with a lot of things but that was mean!!! that was really at a hairy place!! :p adn too late you sold you kids already!!
 
honeydevil said:
i go with a lot of things but that was mean!!! that was really at a hairy place!! :p adn too late you sold you kids already!!
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1. That's what I do you silly tart. I'm mean.
2. A hairy place? For a geman girl that would mean under the arms, wouldn't it?
3. My children weren't sold they were stolen.
 
Billy Oblivion said:
1. That's what I do you silly tart. I'm mean.
2. A hairy place? For a geman girl that would mean under the arms, wouldn't it?
3. My children weren't sold they were stolen.
Click to expand...
nope, the only hairy place would be on my head!! and about your children, i'm sorry, but who is that i have here?? :D
 
billy stop hijacking my thread with your poison and sarcasm. everyone knows you are a romantic, you don't have to hide any more. you are among friends.
 
jenngorham said:
what defines marriage to you? do you believe in 50-60 years of marriage or is that an expectation of older generations that today is not as feasible? live together or move in after the honeymoon? i do or i won't?
Click to expand...
The first word that comes to mind is commitment. Commitment takes effort. Marriage is about two people who commit to being faithful, loving, caring and kind to one another. It's about growing together and working things out when you don't see eye to eye. It's about not giving up when you think your partner has changed because - guess what - everybody changes. It's about overlooking irritating little habits because you have them too. If you can't, then don't get married. Marriage is also about being best friends and knowing that this is the person you want to spend most of your time with.

Notice I didn't say anything about sex? That's because if you've got the above, the rest follows. Too many people confuse falling in lust with falling in love. Big mistake! If your relationship is only about sex, then don't bother getting married. Likewise if you can't be faithful, then stay together for as long as it lasts, but don't get married. Way too messy and the only people who win are the divorce lawyers.

I'm a romantic at heart, but totally pragmatic when it comes to what I think is necessary for a marriage to work. If you're not ready for this kind of commitment, then you're not ready for marriage. It's not for the faint of heart. But when it works, it's mighty fine!

I've been married 32 years.
 
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