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First of all, I really enjoyed reading both of these poems. Well-crafted and good imagery! "Voice" works fine where you have it, but what about something like, "gives reality to" or "manifests"? Something with a little more mystery perhaps? It's fine to leave it as it is, though! It works...

Thank you. It's going to take a while before I can stop thinking about it throughout the day...I think right now I'm just caught in disbelief. But, thanks.

Gone Another sickly day, Passing like the ticking of a clock. All the people smiling, Never listen to the sorrow knock: “Rap rap rap!” tapping on the door. They don’t get it- No one seems to know. That soon the pain Will catch them all Unless they stop it now With sharper knives...

rasta: I read about half of your chapter before I couldn't take any more. You're whit is really great, but you NEED to go through and do a major grammatical makeover! Consider using commas when appropriate. Also, don't put a period inside of a set of parentheses (Not that it is grating or...

After reading it, I think "and the lightbulb flickers" would be cool. Kind of ties everything together, too :) This line doesn't sit right. It sounds too blunt. Perhaps some abstract imagery thrown in there? Awesome visualization there! Masterful way of taking your thoughts and molding...

Sorry for not posting yet :rolleyes: I've been home VERY little and only got to look at the forums from school without time to post. Tonight I have to write a few essays for upcoming finals. But I'll post either tonight (meaning up to the 2 AM i might be awake till) or tomorrow sometime...

So does that mean that I should go ahead and post? Not that it will be anything of quality...

Oh wow...now that i re-read it with THAT in mind...YIKES. HAHAHA! Interesting interpretation :p <Salvaged>

Title? First of all, awesome poem! Except for a few grammar and spelling mistakes (to be overlooked mostly in poetry =), that is a great poem! Even though I've never participated in ballet, I have been in a piano recitals, clarinet solos, and on-the-spot acting/performing. I TOTALLY know the...

"Wax And Wane" Sprigs of something Surrounding sanity. Keeping crassness Caged, controlled. (wax and wane grow like grain) Robes of redness Wrapping ‘round. Quickly, quietly Quelling quality. (wax and wane distorts a brain) What was wonderful, Waspish world? Knew no nectar...

Please do!!! <Salvaged>

Am I too green to join up? I would like to =) There's no min to what you write is there? I like the whole "rotation"/"turns" idea... PEAS! PEAS! PEAS! let the naïve one join in!!!! <Salvaged>

That's my favorite line :( Reminds me of so much from my life... Wonderful poem Cat! I hope you feel comfortable posting your work here. :o I had a little trouble posting my first poem, but now it gives me a little thrill to see how other people react to it. I also found that a few...

Excellent use of names. Also, the progression of the poem is rather...captivating. The "guh" sound attracts too much attention, as do the rhyming great and gate. Suggestion: I would think the title "Going Gently" would work better. Just a thought. :) Overall, it has a feel of...

Title? Hey tugger =) Moving poem (however much I may disagree with content :rolleyes: ). Very awesome. Consistent with other work in being fluid and seamless. As for a title? I always agonize over mine until I hit JUST the right one. I was thinking about this one, and I probably cycled...

Well, the title would make sense if a) You knew what event this was describing b) You knew the person/people involved I know that's really ambiguous, but I didn't write this one to show a "world view" or anything. It was more of a spontaneous thing that I wrote last night after an...

Cool, that was my inclination as well. :cool: Thanks for the suggestion! p.s. I appreciate and welcome criticism, hehe... ;) <Salvaged>

Facing Stone Five inches away, Noses nearly touching. Fingers like mercury, Hands are tightly clutching. Conversation light, Dancing 'round desire. Shifting eyes are burning, Crackling like a fire. Seconds swiftly passing, Fears of old reborn. Darkness closing in now, Hidden...

Great characterization! I would like to have a conversation with this piano! :D No, but seriously, nice descriptive words!

Am I to assume, liv, that this is a dramatic poem directed at someone? Perhaps that you were close to? On the reaction side: I like the voice. There's no question as to what the author (you) were thinking/feeling/experiencing. On another note, I like poems to be more...mysterious(?). Let...